MAY 3, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Greenspan's Protest Against Mayor's Innuendos. Impact: Greenspan's accusations led to an ongoing feud that sparked a chain reaction of local politics, resulting in a mayoral reality show decades later. Who knew municipal drama could inspire reality TV?. Fact: Did you know that Greenspan was actually a magician in his spare time? He could make political careers disappear with a single headline!.
• Headline: B'nai B'rith and the Zion Protocols. Impact: The accusations regarding the Protocols of Zion triggered a series of conspiracy theories that would eventually lead to the rise of internet forums where every cat video would have a hidden agenda. Thanks, U Fleischauer!. Fact: Despite being accused of political aims, the B'nai B'rith's biggest goal is actually just to keep their secret recipe for kugel under wraps..
• Headline: Acquiring a Seat at NY Stock Exchange. Impact: The stock exchange, by merely existing, has led to countless sleepless nights for investors and an entire industry dedicated to making fortunes disappear. Talk about a time vortex of financial despair!. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more volatile than the stock market is the emotional state of someone who just lost a game of Monopoly..
• Headline: 11-Century MS. Is Found.. Impact: The discovery of the 11-century manuscript sparked a renewed interest in medieval studies, eventually leading to a renaissance of hipster medieval fairs where people dress up like knights and complain about the price of mead.. Fact: Did you know that most 11-century manuscripts were just really long grocery lists? 'Thou shalt not forget the eggs!'.
• Headline: WILD LIFE SANCTUARY FOR BOTANIC GARDEN; Institution Here Plans 9-Acre Bird and Flower Haven -- Fund for Fence Sought.. Impact: The establishment of the wildlife sanctuary inadvertently led to wildlife taking over urban areas, resulting in an age where pigeons demand equal rights. Welcome to the future of bird politics!. Fact: Did you know that in the animal kingdom, flowers are the equivalent of a Michelin star? Only the best botanicals get the attention of the bees!.
• Headline: JERSEY MILK BILL SIGNED.; Hoffman Also Approves Curb on Legal Advertisements.. Impact: The Jersey Milk Bill paved the way for increasingly ridiculous legal advertising restrictions, causing lawyers to become more creative with their slogans, leading to a new era of 'Lawyer Speak' that still baffles the public today.. Fact: Did you know that limiting legal ads resulted in a rise of 'flyer distribution' lawyers who just throw business cards around like confetti at a wedding?.
• Headline: TIDE WATER TO PAY BACK DIVIDENDS; Humphreys Says Company Hopes to Clear Up Accumulation on Preferred This Year.. Impact: Tide Water's decision to pay back dividends caused a ripple effect in the stock market, creating a cycle of hope and despair that would confuse investors for generations to come. It's the circle of financial life!. Fact: Did you know that stockholders often have a secret handshake? It's just like a regular handshake, but with more anxiety and fewer fingers..
• Headline: Orange County Onions Ruined by Dust Storm. Impact: The dust storm that ruined Orange County onions inadvertently led to the rise of hipster onion farms in nearby areas, where they could charge three times as much for 'artisanal' onions grown in less dust.. Fact: Did you know that onions are the only food that can make you cry and smell bad simultaneously? Truly a multitasking vegetable!.
• Headline: CHAMBER DENOUNCES PLANS OF NEW DEAL BUT ADVISERS OF PRESIDENT UPHOLD HIM; AN OPEN BREAK DEVELOPS. Impact: The Chamber of Commerce's opposition to the New Deal led to a split that fostered a generation of political activists who would later argue vehemently over the merits of social programs while sipping lattes at overpriced cafes.. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. Chamber of Commerce has a secret meeting where they decide which coffee blend is the most 'capitalist'? Spoiler: it's always the most expensive one..
• Headline: WELLESLEY PROM TONIGHT; 131 Couples to Dance in Setting of an Italian Garden.. Impact: The Wellesley prom set a standard for extravagant high school events, leading to a future where proms are more lavish than royal weddings, complete with drone photography and a live DJ from Ibiza.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more awkward than dancing with a date at prom is dancing with your parents when the DJ plays 'Sweet Caroline'?.