APRIL 17, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Krueger's Brother Exonerated in Fraud Case. Impact: Had Kreuger's brother lost that suit, it could have triggered a chain reaction leading to a global banking crisis, resulting in the invention of 'trust funds' made entirely of chocolate to regain public confidence.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of banking, proving you're not a fraud is basically the equivalent of winning a gold star in kindergarten? Congratulations!.
• Headline: Political Revenge in Belgrade, 1935. Impact: This act of revenge might have inadvertently led to the establishment of a 'no family feuds in politics' law, which would later prevent numerous awkward Thanksgivings across the Balkans.. Fact: Fun fact: In the world of political quarrels, nothing says 'I love my brother' quite like a good old-fashioned attack on their opponent. Family bonding at its finest!.
• Headline: Swiss Seek Arbitration for Dispute. Impact: If the Swiss hadn’t asked for arbitration, they might have accidentally invented the chocolate fondue as a distraction from international disputes. Imagine a world without chocolate fountains!. Fact: Did you know the Swiss are famous for their neutrality? They could probably mediate a spat between two cats over a sunbeam!.
• Headline: DOOLING CHOSEN SACHEM.; Elected for Full Term With Smith, Curry and Others.. Impact: The election of Dooling as Sachem could have resulted in the revitalization of Tammany Hall as a corrupt but beloved institution, leading to an annual festival celebrating political graft.. Fact: Did you know that being elected a Sachem is just one step away from being crowned the 'King of Backroom Deals'? No tiara required!.
• Headline: FEDERAL HOME AID DECLARED A MODEL; Dr. Hoagland Tells Political Science Academy Private Financing Is Challenged.. Impact: Dr. Hoagland’s declaration could have sparked a nationwide movement towards universal pensions, leading to a future where everyone gets paid in Monopoly money!. Fact: Did you know that the biggest challenge to private financing is convincing people that 'free money' isn't just a scam? Spoiler alert: It usually is!.
• Headline: GREEN URGES BILL FOR 30-HOUR WEEK; Labor Leader Tells 3,000 Philadelphians Laws Must Be Changed to Give Work.. Impact: Green's push for a 30-hour work week might have inspired a global trend of 'working less and enjoying life more,' resulting in a worldwide increase in hammock sales.. Fact: Did you know that 3,000 people demonstrating is just enough to make a decent-sized line for coffee? Priorities!.
• Headline: NAZI RAIDERS FREE GIRL PROM PRISON; Two Men Go From Reich Into Austria, Batter Down Cell Door and Effect Escape.. Impact: This daring rescue could have led to an entire genre of action movies where brothers save sisters from oppressive regimes, thus launching the careers of many future action stars.. Fact: Did you know that if this rescue attempt had failed, it could have led to a new diplomatic initiative called 'Operation: Get Your Sibling Out of Trouble'?.
• Headline: Move for New British Coinage.. Impact: Had the British successfully implemented decimal coinage sooner, we might have avoided the tragic era of confusing currency, thus changing the fate of pub quizzes forever.. Fact: Did you know that moving to decimal coinage is basically like upgrading from a flip phone to a smartphone? Some things just make life easier!.
• Headline: 3 YOUNG WOMEN WIN ADVERTISING AWARDS; Receive Annual Scholarships of Ad Women's Group -- Three Get Honorable Mention.. Impact: The annual advertising awards could have sparked a revolution in marketing strategies, leading to a future where only cats and puppies are allowed in commercials.. Fact: Did you know that winning an advertising award is just the adult version of getting a gold star for coloring inside the lines? Well done, you!.