APRIL 2, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mystery of Article 4 Revealed. Impact: If only 'Article 4' had a title, it could have sparked a literary revolution. Instead, it led to an infinite number of future articles being titled 'Untitled' just to drive editors crazy.. Fact: Writing a title is like putting a bow on a gift; without it, you just have a confusing box..
• Headline: Cuban Blasts: Violence in Santiago. Impact: The Cuban blasts might have sparked a trend in explosive parties. Thankfully, no one decided to take that literally. But ‘Cuban Blasts’ became a popular cocktail name at dubious bars.. Fact: Five hurt in blasts, but at least they provided the local fireworks industry a boost—talk about a silver lining!.
• Headline: Society's 33rd Annual Art Exhibition. Impact: The thirty-third art show opened a portal to the future where every coffee shop features 'local artists' and overpriced avocado toast. Thanks, illustrators!. Fact: Art shows have been known to boost self-esteem, or at least the ego of the person who painted a canvas blue and called it 'Ocean Breeze.'.
• Headline: RUSSIAN EDUCATOR TO TEACH AT BARNARD; Prof. Vasiliev to Give Courses in Ancient History -- College Lists Other Faculty Changes.. Impact: Professor Vasiliev's teachings at Barnard could have led to a new generation of historians, who would eventually debate the merits of history while ignoring current events. Who needs context, right?. Fact: Teaching ancient history at Barnard was a clever tactic to distract students from their impending student loans..
• Headline: Paintings of Iceland.. Impact: The exhibition of Icelandic paintings inadvertently inspired the 'Icelandic Aesthetic' trend, leading to a surge in wool sweaters and a peculiar obsession with fermented shark.. Fact: Icelandic paintings are the only art that can make you feel both cozy and confused at the same time..
• Headline: NRA FIRE HOSE BIDS BARE RUBBER TRUST, FTC AGENTS CHARGE; Recommendation for Suit Is Revealed After Senators Are Told Prices Are Fixed.. Impact: The rubber industry’s anti-trust violations led to an age of distrust in all things rubber, including bouncy balls and flip-flops. Thanks, FTC agents!. Fact: It's ironic that rubber bands can stretch the truth, yet the industry couldn't stretch their prices without getting caught..
• Headline: TUNNEL TRAFFIC INCREASES; Sharp Rise for Month Also Reported by Washington Bridge.. Impact: Increased tunnel traffic led to the rise of the underground movement—literally. People began hosting secret meetings about how to avoid all that surface traffic.. Fact: Tunnel traffic is basically just a fancy way of saying, 'Everyone's stuck in a very long line, underground.'.
• Headline: POPE WARNS WAR WOULD BE INSANITY; APPEALS FOR HOPE; Declaring That a Conflict Now Is 'Impossible,' He Cautions Against 'Enormous Crime.'. Impact: The Pope's warning about war being insanity probably inspired a long line of politicians to ignore him completely. The irony is delicious.. Fact: Pope's speeches often serve as a reminder that common sense is not as common as we think—especially in politics..
• Headline: ROOSEVELT MOVES NEARER MAINLAND; Yacht Goes to Long Island in Bahamas -- Only One Message Sent During the Day.. Impact: Roosevelt moving closer to the mainland was the first step toward a long series of politicians vacationing while the world fell apart. A trend that lives on!. Fact: Fishing cruises are great, but it’s hard to catch fish when you’re too busy catching a tan..
• Headline: WORLD IDLE INCREASE 2,200,000 SINCE JAN. 1; Geneva Report on 29 Countries Indicates Efforts to Check Unemployment Fail.. Impact: The unemployment report triggered a never-ending cycle of job creation and destruction, ultimately leading to the rise of the gig economy. Thanks, Geneva!. Fact: 2.2 million more idle people means 2.2 million more people available for your next trivia night team—if only they could answer questions about employment!.