MARCH 28, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ex-Governor Reed Critiques Utility Bill. Impact: If only Ex-Governor Reed had just said 'meh' to the utility bill, we might have avoided the Great Kansas Power Struggle of 1954, where everyone fought over who gets to control the lights during tornado season.. Fact: Reed's comments are still cited today by people who think arguing against progress is the best way to get a free meal..
• Headline: MacDonald Consults King on Germany Crisis. Impact: This meeting marked the beginning of British leaders developing a keen sense of doom, which they would later hone into an art form during World War II. Thanks, King George!. Fact: If only they had consulted a magic 8-ball instead of each other; it might have saved a lot of time and angst..
• Headline: RFC Loan Dispute: Dawes Bank Controversy. Impact: The RFC loan debacle inspired a wave of 'creative accounting' that would last into the 21st century, proving that money problems are just timeless human drama.. Fact: The term 'money laundering' was actually inspired by this incident—just kidding! But wouldn't that have been a fun twist?.
• Headline: Farm Boy's Appeal to the Army Brings a Team of Plow Horses; Artillery Officers Raise Fund and Buy Condemned Animals Used at Chicago Fair Drills so South Dakota Youngster Can Help His Father Pay Off Mortgage.. Impact: This boy's plea for help resulted in a national campaign for animal rights, leading to a future where plow horses had their own Instagram accounts. Because why not?. Fact: These horses went on to become celebrities, starring in their own reality show about 'Life After the Fair.'.
• Headline: McCa!!-Dommerich.. Impact: This engagement led to the establishment of an exclusive social club for couples with hyphenated names, which would eventually revolutionize the wedding industry.. Fact: People still argue over which is the more prestigious title: 'Mr. McCa!!' or 'Ms. Dommerich.' Spoiler alert: it's an endless debate..
• Headline: Waterman-Bennett.. Impact: This engagement inspired a surge in fountain pen sales, leading to a paper shortage in 1940—because who doesn’t want to write their love letters on the best stationery?. Fact: The couple later discovered that they were both allergic to fountain pen ink, leading to a very short engagement..
• Headline: Hospital Deficit Rises.. Impact: The hospital deficit led to the establishment of a secret society of budget-cutting ninjas, who would infiltrate hospitals to save money—without regard for patient care, of course.. Fact: These ninjas, however, were terrible at keeping secrets, leading to a very public uproar..