MARCH 19, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Richberg Defends NRA Regulations on Radio. Impact: Richberg's radio talk sparked a nationwide debate over regulation that eventually led to the invention of the 'talk show' format, paving the way for today's endless stream of hot takes and overly opinionated pundits. Thanks a lot, Richberg.. Fact: Did you know that radio was once the primary source of news? Imagine getting your updates from a dude in a suit talking through a box instead of scrolling through your phone like a normal person..
• Headline: Sentenced to Ten Years for Murder. Impact: This tragic event led to an unexpected surge in crime novels and true crime podcasts, forever changing how we consume entertainment and reminding everyone that reality is often more shocking than fiction.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'truth is stranger than fiction' was coined for a reason? It's probably because reality doesn't have a writer to smooth over the rough edges..
• Headline: Town Imposes Dog 'Curfew.'. Impact: The dog curfew set an absurd precedent, eventually leading to a nationwide epidemic of overly anxious pet owners who now schedule their dog's bathroom breaks around city ordinances. The canine apocalypse was just a leash away.. Fact: Fun fact: Dogs have been known to take over the world, or at least your couch. A curfew? Please, they just want to nap in peace..
• Headline: 4 HURT IN 7TH AV. FIRE.; 3 Employes of Tailor Shop and Firemen Victims -- Traffic Delayed.. Impact: The fire incident led to stricter safety regulations that, ironically, resulted in the rise of overly cautious fire drills in schools. Thanks to this fire, students now practice evacuating from imaginary flames more than they practice math.. Fact: Did you know that many fire drills are just elaborate excuses for teachers to get a break from classroom chaos? It's basically recess with a little sprinkling of panic..
• Headline: Harvard Teachers Resign.. Impact: The resignation of these Harvard teachers sparked a wave of academic unrest that eventually contributed to the rise of the internet troll. Who knew that two professors leaving would lead to a battalion of keyboard warriors?. Fact: Fun fact: Harvard's motto is 'Veritas,' which translates to 'truth.' Ironically, it's also what many students are searching for during finals week..
• Headline: Article 2 -- No Title. Impact: G. Dixon winning this essay contest might seem trivial, but it actually inspired a generation of writers to chase dreams of literary fame, leading to the rise of unsolicited manuscripts and poorly written fan fiction.. Fact: Did you know that essay contests often lead to existential crises for non-winners? They can really do a number on a budding writer's self-esteem..
• Headline: Women Elect Members.. Impact: The election of new female members was a small step that inadvertently set off a chain reaction, eventually leading to women running for president, which has caused quite the stir in modern politics. Thanks for setting the bar, ladies!. Fact: Fun fact: Women have been doing important things for centuries, but it seems like only recently have we decided to notice. Better late than never, right?.
• Headline: PORT AUTHORITY VOTES BOND ISSUE; Bids on All or Part of $34,300,000 4% Loan to Be Opened Next Monday.. Impact: The bond issue approval led to a wave of infrastructure projects that, surprisingly, resulted in more potholes than actual improvements. The cycle of government spending continues, proving that some things never change.. Fact: Did you know that 'bond issue' is just a fancy way of saying 'we're borrowing money because we can't manage our budget'? It's like asking your parents for a loan but with more paperwork..