MARCH 9, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trenton's Historic Vote on City Manager. Impact: Trenton voting on a manager? Clearly, this was the moment that kicked off centuries of bureaucratic red tape. Every time you get stuck in traffic due to roadwork, just remember: it all started here.. Fact: Did you know that voting on a city manager is the politically correct way to say, 'We can't figure out what to do, so let’s just put it to a vote and call it a day!'?.
• Headline: Wagner Girls' Basketball Loss to Notre Dame. Impact: The Wagner girls' basketball defeat may have sparked a new trend: 'Let's just not take sports seriously and focus on knitting instead.' And thus, the knitting club was born.. Fact: Did you know that a score of 24-5 means one team was basically a spectator? I guess they were just there for the snacks..
• Headline: Valentine's Daughters Guarded by Police; Threatened at Start of Policy Inquiry. Impact: This police protection for Valentine’s daughters probably led to the first-ever 'Heavily Guarded Celebrity' trend, paving the way for today's absurd security details for Instagram influencers.. Fact: Did you know that in the 1930s, police protection was a luxury? Now it's just a Tuesday for any reality TV star..
• Headline: Prall Heads Wire Board.. Impact: Prall heading the wire board was a pivotal moment when everyone realized that communications would eventually lead to the invention of social media. Thank you, Prall, for the gift of endless cat videos.. Fact: Did you know that 'wire board' sounds like something out of a spy movie? Too bad it's just a fancy term for 'let's make sure everyone knows what everyone else is saying.'.
• Headline: NICHOLS IS MAT VICTOR.; Pins La Chappelle in 39:55 of Armory Feature Match.. Impact: Nichols' victory in wrestling may have inspired generations of sports fans to believe that all you need is a good pin to achieve greatness. Spoiler: It usually requires more than that.. Fact: Did you know that wrestling is one of the few sports where you can literally pin your opponent down? Just imagine if life worked that way!.
• Headline: SILVER IN THE ORIENT.. Impact: The silver policy discussion in China likely triggered a series of events that led to the rise of global trade, ultimately resulting in your online shopping addiction today. Thanks, silver!. Fact: Did you know that silver used to be a big deal? Now it’s just a nice color for jewelry and 'vintage' home decor..
• Headline: BAYONNE BUDGET ADOPTED; Rise In Tax Rate of $43.25 for Each $1,000 Is Expected.. Impact: The Bayonne budget adoption was probably the moment when everyone in town realized taxes would only go up from there. At least they had the foresight to prepare for a financial rollercoaster.. Fact: Did you know that a tax rate of $43.25 per $1,000 is like a coupon for regret in the future? Welcome to budgeting, folks!.
• Headline: HARVARD PRIZES AWARDED; Detur Books Are Given to 36 for High Scholastic Records.. Impact: Harvard awarding prizes in 1935 was the moment when academic elitism began its long reign. This event set the stage for future generations to pay off student loans for a piece of paper.. Fact: Did you know that winning a Detur prize is like getting a gold star, but with a side of existential dread about your future?.
• Headline: BANK INCREASE APPROVED.; Equitable Trust to Raise Capital From $3,000,000 to $4,000,000.. Impact: Equitable Trust raising its capital is a perfect example of how banks can grow faster than your personal savings account. The ripple effects of this could lead to the 2008 financial crisis, but hey, they were just trying to keep up!. Fact: Did you know that banks raising capital is just code for 'let's see how much we can charge you for overdraft fees later'?.