MARCH 8, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tin Leader Implicated in Pepper Gamble. Impact: J Howeson's name in the pepper gamble led to a massive crackdown on government officials' activities. This eventually inspired future generations of conspiracy theorists who believed that every condiment had a hidden agenda. Ketchup became the next target.. Fact: Did you know that 'Howeson' is just a few letters away from 'Hocus Pocus'? Coincidence? I think not..
• Headline: Florida Doctor Faces Extortion Charges. Impact: The Florida doctor's extortion case set off a series of events that led to an increase in 'doctor-patient privilege' loopholes, ultimately resulting in the invention of the 'doctor's excuse' that teenagers use to skip school.. Fact: Florida: Where the doctors are as shady as the palm trees. Just kidding, they're probably just misdiagnosing the weather..
• Headline: Remembering Richard F. Hoyt: Financier and Sportsman. Impact: Richard F. Hoyt's death sent shockwaves through the finance and aviation industries, leading to an uptick in extreme sports sponsorships. Who knew that speedboats and aviation would inspire an entire generation of adrenaline junkies?. Fact: Hoyt's speedboat enthusiasm was so contagious that it made waves in the stock market. Literally..
• Headline: BANK PAY-OFF BILL OFFERED IN SENATE; Measure by Barbour and Moore Proposes 60% Advance to Depositors.. Impact: The introduction of the bank pay-off bill created a domino effect that resulted in the creation of countless financial regulations. These regulations would later inspire the infamous phrase, 'Too big to fail,' which ironically made banks even bigger.. Fact: Senators Moore and Barbour were probably just trying to make sure their own deposits were safe while playing Monopoly with real money..
• Headline: Anglican Prelate Writes Special Jubilee Prayer. Impact: The Anglican prelate's special jubilee prayer became the blueprint for every royal celebration thereafter, proving that divine intervention is just as important as public relations.. Fact: Jubilee prayers have been known to be more effective than actually addressing the issues at hand. Who needs solutions when you have prayer?.
• Headline: Plastiras Is in Milan.. Impact: Plastiras being under police surveillance sparked a trend of governments using surveillance as a method of control. This would later evolve into modern-day Big Brother tactics, but with way more cameras and far less charm.. Fact: You know you're important when even the police are keeping an eye on you. Or perhaps they just wanted to borrow some fashion tips..
• Headline: WIDE NRA CHANGES URGED BY RICHBERG; WOULD LIMIT CODES; Only Interstate Commerce or Trades Linked to It Are Covered in New Plan. LEGAL ASPECT STRESSED Senators Are Told Enforcement Should Be the Test in Any Revision of Law. HARDSHIPS ARE ADMITTED But Strife Over 7a Was 'Price We Had to Pay,' Says Head of Emergency Council. WIDE NRA CHANGES URGED BY RICHBERG. Impact: Richberg's wide NRA changes led to a series of legal battles that ultimately made lawyers the richest of all professions, proving that when it comes to laws, the only thing that's truly consistent is the confusion they create.. Fact: NRA changes: because who doesn't love a little chaos in the name of commerce?.
• Headline: NEW DEAL FAILURE, HUEY LONG RETORTS; TELLS OWN SCHEMES; Johnson Is 'Lead-Off' Man in War Declared on Him by White House, He Says on Radio. NRA FASCISM, HE HOLDS He Calls Upon Roosevelt to 'Admit the Facts' That Conditions Grow Worse. NEW DEAL FAILURE, HUEY LONG RETORTS. Impact: Huey Long's radio retort against the New Deal inspired countless future politicians to use media as a weapon of mass distraction, ensuring that the public's attention would forever be diverted from real issues.. Fact: Huey Long's share the wealth plan was basically the original 'GoFundMe' campaign, just without the internet and a lot more shouting..
• Headline: Truck Dumps Cheese in Brook.. Impact: The cheese dump incident ignited a nationwide cheese appreciation movement, thus paving the way for future cheese festivals and the 'cheese-pocalypse' of social media.. Fact: 10 tons of cheese in a brook? That's one way to say you 'brie' in the wrong place at the wrong time..
• Headline: CUBAN STRIKE GAINS DESPITE FIRM HAND; Employees of 7 Out of the 12 Government Departments Back Student Revolt. ALL UNIONS PLAN WALKOUT Trolley and Hospital Workers Quit -- Arms Are Seized on Campus of University.. Impact: The Cuban strike against government departments ignited a series of labor movements that inspired future protests worldwide, proving that sometimes a little cheese is all it takes to motivate the masses.. Fact: When government employees strike, it's not just about the pay—it's about bringing the cheese back to the people. Literally and figuratively!.