MARCH 6, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Olvany Testifies Against Estate Fraud Trio. Impact: If Olvany had just kept his mouth shut, we might have a successful trio of con artists running off into the sunset with half a million bucks, leading to a whole new genre of heist films decades earlier. Thanks, Olvany, for ruining cinema history.. Fact: Did you know that if everyone involved in this trial had invested their time in something more productive, like knitting, we might have seen a boom in cozy sweaters instead of courtroom drama?.
• Headline: The Beginning of Political Reforms in 1935. Impact: This political thaw may have led to a string of ice cream trucks being mistaken for diplomatic envoys. Who knew that softening relations could lead to such delicious confusion?. Fact: Did you know that 'political thaw' is actually just code for politicians trying to get their vacation plans sorted without causing too many headlines?.
• Headline: W.A. Warn's Health Progress in 1935. Impact: If W.A. Warn had improved any faster, we might have seen him turn into a motivational speaker, inspiring legions of 'W.A. Warn' fan clubs across the nation. Imagine the merchandise!. Fact: Did you know that 'improving' in the medical world usually means 'we're cautiously optimistic but don't get too excited'?.
• Headline: Part of Volcano Sinks In Nicaragua Eruption. Impact: The sinking of part of Mt. Telica could have set off a chain reaction of volcanic eruptions, leading to a new era of 'extreme sports' where people would pay to ride lava flows. Who needs skateboards?. Fact: Did you know that volcanoes are nature's way of reminding us that sometimes, the ground beneath us can be a little... unstable?.
• Headline: Washington Holds Bright Memories of Justice Holmes's Long and Useful Life; AMERICAN LEGEND IN LIFE OF HOLMES. Impact: Holmes' lengthy legacy may have inspired countless legal dramas, proving that even after a long life, one can still be a star—just ask any courtroom actor.. Fact: Did you know that Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. was so influential that even his dissenting opinions could probably win a popularity contest?.
• Headline: WISCONSIN NRA ACT IS UPSET BY COURT; State Supreme Bench Holds It Unlawfully Gives Legislative Powers to Industry.. Impact: This court decision could have led to a nationwide trend of businesses forming secret clubs to bypass industry regulations, spawning a new wave of 'underground' business practices.. Fact: Did you know that the Wisconsin NRA Act being deemed unconstitutional is actually a lawyer's favorite kind of Christmas gift? A surprise they didn't see coming!.
• Headline: POLICE ROUT 1,500 IN RIOT AT COURT; Nightsticks Are Wielded in Street Scuffle After 500 Are Ejected by Magistrate.. Impact: The police routing 1,500 rioters might have inspired future generations to take their disputes to a dance-off instead. Imagine the culture shift!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'wielding nightsticks' is just a fancy way of saying 'the police were really into baton twirling that night'?.
• Headline: Business Up 45% in 1934, Loans Down to 2%, Federal Intermediate Credit Banks Report. Impact: The unexpected surge in business might inspire a new economic theory: 'The more you lend, the less you spend.' A revolutionary idea that will surely confuse economists for decades!. Fact: Did you know that in 1934, 'loans down to 2%' was code for 'we're not entirely sure who will pay this back'?.
• Headline: ARGENTINA DENIES CHARGES BY CHILEAN; Says Protest to Peru Over Trade Pact Was Friendly and Made in a Diplomatic Manner.. Impact: Argentina's denial of charges could have sparked a regional trend of diplomatic gaslighting, leading to a reality where nations compete over who can deny the most absurd accusations.. Fact: Did you know that diplomatic denials are basically like saying, 'I didn’t eat the last slice of pizza,' while the crumbs are still on your face?.
• Headline: CHICAGO CURB PLANS NATIONAL EXCHANGE; SEC Notified of Movement as Hearings Are Set on Stock Petitions.. Impact: If the Chicago Curb Exchange had been successful, we might have seen a stock market populated by actual curbs, making investing a lot more dangerous—and interesting!. Fact: Did you know that filing a registration application with the SEC is basically the adult version of asking for permission to go play outside?.