FEBRUARY 8, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: New College Girls Triumph in Basketball. Impact: The 64-8 rout by New College Girls over Wagner led to a sudden surge in female basketball players, which eventually spiraled into the creation of college scholarships specifically aimed at women, paving the way for future generations of athletes... and an explosion of matching sports gear.. Fact: Did you know that a score of 64-8 in basketball is basically the equivalent of 'We were just here for the snacks'?.
• Headline: Lumber Expert Testifies in Hauptmann Trial. Impact: The homespun lumber man’s testimony may have inadvertently sparked a nationwide interest in eco-friendly defense strategies, eventually leading to the rise of hipster lumberjacks who took pride in both their beards and their sustainable woodwork.. Fact: Fun fact: Trees can’t testify in court, but if they could, they’d probably just ask for a moment of silence..
• Headline: New Job Bill Gains Momentum in 1935. Impact: Lehman and aides rushing the job bill is like watching a toddler run with scissors — bound to end in chaos, but hey, at least they tried to cut through the red tape, right? This set off a series of political maneuvers that would make anyone dizzy.. Fact: In politics, 'speeding up' usually means 'making hasty decisions that we’ll later regret.'.
• Headline: Honduras Suffrage Bill Killed.. Impact: The killing of the Honduras Suffrage Bill may have temporarily stalled women's rights in the region, but it also ignited a firestorm of activism that would ripple through generations, ultimately leading to a stronger, more resilient suffrage movement.. Fact: Declining women's suffrage bills is basically like hitting 'snooze' on history — it just keeps coming back until you deal with it..
• Headline: HOLBROOK UPSETS STARKE; Reaches Squash Racquets Final at Union League -- Weeks Wins.. Impact: Holbrook’s upset in squash racquets may have shocked the sports community, but it also led to a renaissance of underdog stories in sports, paving the way for movies like 'Rocky' — only with more racquets and fewer stairs.. Fact: Squash: the only sport where you can accidentally hit your opponent and still be considered a gentleman!.
• Headline: Jury to Sit in Court Room While Weighing Verdict. Impact: The jury’s decision to weigh their verdict while sitting in the courtroom set a new standard for courtroom drama, ensuring that future juries would have everyone on the edge of their seats, waiting for the verdict like it was the season finale of their favorite show.. Fact: Fun fact: juries weighing verdicts are the original 'binge-watchers' of the legal world!.
• Headline: BOOKS OF THE TIMES. Impact: The introduction of 'Books of the Times' signaled the dawn of literary criticism, which would lead to the birth of book clubs, where people gather to discuss whether they actually read the book or just the back cover.. Fact: If you ever need a good excuse to avoid awkward social gatherings, just say you’re 'reading the times.'.
• Headline: U.S. CAN SHUN WAR, COLLEGIANS HOLD; Semi-Final Return in Digest Poll Shows Belief, 2 to 1, We Could Stay Neutral.. Impact: The U.S. collegians' belief that they could shun war reflected a collective naivety that would lead to a series of ironic situations where college students would later protest wars while simultaneously binge-watching war-themed movies.. Fact: Peace polls: because sometimes you need a survey to convince yourself that avoiding conflict is still an option, despite all evidence to the contrary..
• Headline: BRICK MEN PICK CHIEFS.; Manufacturers Re-elect W.G. Long as Association President.. Impact: The re-election of W.G. Long as president of the Brick Manufacturers Association ensured that brick jokes would be a staple at future conventions, leading to a legacy of humor that no one asked for but everyone tolerates.. Fact: Being president of a brick manufacturer association sounds about as exciting as being the vice president of a paperclip factory. But hey, at least they’re making solid connections!.