JANUARY 31, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hauptmann's Marathon Testimony. Impact: Hauptmann's long stand in court inspired countless future defendants to take their sweet time on the stand, leading to lengthy courtroom dramas that became popular in movies and TV shows. Thanks, Hauptmann, for making legal procrastination a thing!. Fact: Did you know that 17 1/2 hours is about the same time it takes to binge-watch an entire season of a mediocre TV show? Priorities, am I right?.
• Headline: Longshoremen Support Teamsters' Strike. Impact: The longshoremen's refusal to handle non-union goods sparked a chain reaction, leading to the creation of the 'Union-Only' sticker that would later become a hipster must-have for artisanal avocado toast shops.. Fact: Fun fact: This strike was so effective that it inspired a whole generation of workers to think that picketing was just a fancy form of socializing!.
• Headline: NOGUCHI Exhibition at Marie Harriman Gallery. Impact: The grim portrayal of lynching in Noguchi's sculpture caused many to rethink their choice of decor. As a result, art galleries became the new battlegrounds for social justice discussions, making 'artsy' the new 'woke'.. Fact: Did you know that art can be a mirror to society? Or in this case, a very disturbing funhouse mirror!.
• Headline: Hard on Pa and Ma.. Impact: The discussion around old-age pensions led to the creation of the first 'Retirement Planning' seminars, which quickly became the most boring form of entertainment since watching paint dry.. Fact: Did you know that 'old-age pension' is just a fancy way of saying 'we promise not to leave you in a cardboard box'?.
• Headline: Cornell Man in Housing Post.. Impact: The appointment of a Cornell man to the housing post sparked countless debates on whether Ivy League education is really worth it if you end up managing rural housing. Spoiler: It was not a popular opinion.. Fact: Did you know that Cornell is known for its agriculture program? So, technically, this guy was just a fancy farmer!.
• Headline: LANDLADY CONFIRMS STORY.; Mrs. Strauss Recalls Evening When Carlstrom Identified Photo.. Impact: Mrs. Strauss confirming Carlstrom's story led to a dramatic increase in the number of 'trust but verify' posters in households across America. Who knew gossip could be so impactful?. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'trust but verify' became popular during the Cold War? So much for keeping up with the Joneses!.
• Headline: FUR-BEARING TROUT AMAZES ANGLERS; Some Club Members Actually Fall Off Their Chairs When State Official Tells of It.. Impact: The revelation of fur-bearing trout sent shockwaves through the fishing community, leading to a bizarre trend of anglers wearing fur coats while fishing, completely missing the point of 'catch and release'.. Fact: Did you know that fur-bearing trout are about as real as unicorns? But hey, at least they provide good fishing stories!.
• Headline: Bishop Molloy Honored.. Impact: Bishop Molloy's honors dinner became an annual tradition, leading to a new trend in religious circles: the more dinners you have, the holier you are. It's a miracle how that works!. Fact: Did you know that the best way to honor someone is food? Just ask any Italian family!.