JANUARY 20, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Railways Embrace Air-Conditioning Innovation. Impact: The luxurious embrace of air-conditioning in trains not only made long journeys bearable, but also catalyzed the rise of the modern vacation. Suddenly, everyone thought they could afford to travel, leading to a massive increase in tourism, which eventually resulted in resorts requiring lifeguards who couldn’t swim. Fact: Did you know that before air-conditioning, train passengers had to endure the great outdoors? Yes, they were basically human air fresheners for the smell of sweat and coal.
• Headline: Global Interest in Arizona's Cacti. Impact: The world’s obsession with cacti not only resulted in a surge in prickly plant sales, but also led to the invention of the world's first cactus-themed coffee shop, where customers would inevitably learn that 'spiky' is a personality type. Fact: Fun fact: Cacti are the only plants that can truly thrive on neglect, which is probably why they’re so popular with people who forget to water their houseplants.
• Headline: Tensions Rise Over Memel Territory. Impact: This conflict over Memel set a precedent for future territorial disputes, reminding us that borders are just suggestions and that history is basically just an ongoing game of ‘Capture the Flag’ where nobody wins. Fact: The Memel crisis was just one of many instances where the Nazis thought they could play Monopoly with real territories. Spoiler alert: they never passed 'Go'.
• Headline: MOODIE BANS PLAN TO RELY ON TROOPS; Impeached Governor Orders Soldier Guard Withdrawn and Prepares Legal Action.. Impact: Moodie's dramatic exit from power not only sparked a series of legal shenanigans but also inspired a generation of politicians to take 'impeachment' as a new career path—because who wouldn’t want to make headlines while avoiding accountability?. Fact: Impeachment has a long history of being the go-to solution for politicians who can’t keep their hands clean. It's like the adult version of 'you're grounded.'.
• Headline: Penn Quintet Topples Syracuse From Ranks Of Unbeaten by Scoring 34-to-22 Triumph; PENN FIVE TOPPLES SYRACUSE BY 34-22. Impact: This upset not only shattered Syracuse’s undefeated record but also sent shockwaves through the sports betting world, leading to an era where fans would forever question the integrity of their favorite teams—at least until the next season. Fact: Did you know that in sports, every upset leads to a new conspiracy theory? Penn's victory probably inspired a documentary about 'the secret training regime' involving pizza and late-night studying.
• Headline: 'STANDSTILL' TRIO SAILS.; Goodhue, Rovensky and MacVeagh to Join in Berlin Conference.. Impact: The 'Standstill Trio' sailing to Berlin may have seemed like a diplomatic move, but it actually inspired a whole genre of songs about friends ditching their responsibilities for a good time, leading to the rise of the 'YOLO' culture in future generations. Fact: It's ironic that they called themselves the 'Standstill Trio' while literally sailing away. Talk about mixed messages!.
• Headline: THE SPANISH GOLD-FISH. By Dudley Glass. Illustrated by A.E. Bestall. 93 pp. New York: Frederick Warne Co. $1.. Impact: Dudley Glass’s adorable book sparked a nationwide interest in exotic pets, leading to the rise of the goldfish as the go-to starter pet for families. This, of course, culminated in the infamous Goldfish Olympics that never actually happened but should have. Fact: Did you know that goldfish can actually remember things for up to five months? That's longer than some people remember where they left their keys.
• Headline: PRESSED STEEL CAR GAIN.; Profits of $348,383 on $4,510,383 Turnover in 11 Months Reported.. Impact: These profits sparked a steel boom that ultimately led to the construction of more cars—because nothing says progress like more vehicles clogging the roads and ruining the planet. Fact: Pressed steel cars were the latest craze back then, but they never caught on with the 'pretty in pink' crowd. Apparently, they didn’t match their outfits.
• Headline: CREDITS IMPROVE IN LATIN AMERICA; Collections Also Show Increase in Three Months' Survey of National Group.. Impact: Improvements in credit conditions led to a brief period of optimism in Latin America, resulting in an influx of wildly optimistic investment strategies that later required a lot of backtracking and a healthy dose of reality check. Fact: Fun fact: In finance, ‘improving credit’ is like saying your diet is going well while you’re still hiding the chocolate stash. Spoiler: It’s all about perception.