JANUARY 17, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Clarifying the World Court Resolution. Impact: Dr. Hudson’s clarity on the World Court resolution inadvertently led to a global obsession with legal jargon, resulting in the rise of 'Lawyer Speak' as a second language in many countries. Many are still trying to decipher it.. Fact: Did you know that even lawyers often can’t agree on what lawyers mean? Welcome to the legal profession!.
• Headline: Oil Industry Donates to Welfare Drive. Impact: The $47,569 in donations sparked a national trend where oil workers adopted the motto 'Save the Planet, One Dollar at a Time,' leading to the world's first environmentally friendly oil spill cleanup party. Spoiler: It was a mess.. Fact: Fun fact: Oil workers are the original philanthropists—if you consider donating a fraction of your profits a noble deed..
• Headline: East Side Flats Renting Office Launches. Impact: The influx of requests for East Side flats led to a housing boom that crashed spectacularly when everyone realized they couldn't afford to live anywhere. It was the beginning of the eternal quest for affordable housing.. Fact: Did you know that 'affordable housing' is an oxymoron in many cities? It’s like a unicorn; everyone talks about it, but no one’s ever seen one..
• Headline: New Deal Course Expanded.. Impact: The expansion of the New Deal Course inadvertently gave rise to a generation of students who could explain government control in multiple languages—none of which were English. It’s now a global phenomenon.. Fact: Did you know that 'New Deal' is just a fancy way of saying, 'We’re trying our best to fix this mess, please don’t panic'?.
• Headline: ZINOVIEFF TRIAL KEPT IN COMPLETE SECRECY; Belief in Moscow Is Still Strong That at Least Two of 19 Will Not Be Executed.. Impact: The secrecy of the Zinovieff trial led to speculation that inspired countless spy novels, creating a genre where every twist and turn is just another plot twist waiting to happen. Some say it’s still going on.. Fact: Fun fact: The true value of a secret trial is that everyone assumes it's more exciting than it actually is. Spoiler: It rarely is..
• Headline: GERMANS STIR BELGIANS.; Fly Flags in Two Border Towns Predicting Their Return to Reich.. Impact: The German flags waving in Belgium fanned the flames of nationalism, setting off a series of events leading to the invention of the world's most complicated history class. Even the teachers gave up.. Fact: Did you know that waving flags usually leads to trouble? Someone should have told the Germans that before they started practicing..
• Headline: TRADE GROUP NAMED TO FIGHT WATERWAY; State Chamber Picks Committee to Oppose Ratification of St. Lawrence Treaty.. Impact: The formation of a trade group to fight the St. Lawrence Treaty created an endless loop of opposition that still echoes in today’s political debates. Ironically, no one knows what they’re fighting for anymore.. Fact: Did you know that trade groups are basically like that one friend who always wants to argue for the sake of arguing? You love them, but sometimes you just wish they’d chill..
• Headline: LEAGUE SUPPORTS FIRST PUNITIVE ACT; CURB ON PARAGUAY; Assembly's Chaco Group Votes Unanimously for End of Arms Embargo on Bolivia.. Impact: Ending the arms embargo on Bolivia led to a series of misunderstandings that turned into a game of diplomatic hot potato, where Paraguay was always the last one holding the bag. Spoiler: It got messy.. Fact: Fun fact: The League of Nations was like the world's first social network, but with less drama and more paperwork..
• Headline: Moves to Amend Milk Law.. Impact: Amending the milk law to exempt NYC storekeepers caused a dairy disaster where milk prices fluctuated wildly, leading to an underground black market for milk. Cheers to capitalism!. Fact: Did you know that milk is the only beverage that can cause a riot? Just ask any NYC deli owner during a price hike!.
• Headline: M'ELLIGOTT DENIES FINEGAN'S AUTHORITY; Civil Service Commission Is Warned Not to Interfere With Fire Department.. Impact: McElligott's denial of Finegan's authority triggered an endless power struggle in the civil service, leading to a reality TV series called 'Civil Service Showdown.' Viewers were glued to their screens.. Fact: Fun fact: The fire department is the only place where you can get burned and still call it a job hazard!.