JANUARY 13, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tribute to Professor G.P. Baker. Impact: G.P. Baker's tribute led to an unexpected surge in academia, convincing future generations that being a professor was a legitimate profession instead of just a cover for 'I majored in philosophy'.. Fact: G.P. Baker was so influential that even Google’s algorithms salute him. Or maybe that's just the coffee..
• Headline: Pickford Romance Denied. Impact: The denial of romance with Mary Pickford sent shockwaves through Hollywood, creating a butterfly effect that led to countless dramatic love triangles in future films. Thanks a lot, G.P. Baker!. Fact: In Hollywood, 'denied romance' is just code for 'we’ll make a movie about this in five years'..
• Headline: PWA Day Labor Clause Controversy. Impact: The protest over the Day Labor Clause in the PWA inadvertently inspired a new genre of protest music, leading to the rise of folk singers who only knew three chords.. Fact: If you think labor disputes are new, just remember that even the ancient Egyptians had a union for pyramid builders, but they apparently didn't have a good contract lawyer..
• Headline: INDUSTRY TO SEEK DRUG ACT CHANGES; All Interests Planning to Join Movement to Present Composite Measure.. Impact: The push for drug act changes created a snowball effect leading to the modern pharmaceutical industry, where every cold remedy comes with a side of existential dread.. Fact: Sen Copeland's bill was so complex, it could have been a plot twist in a soap opera. 'Will the drug industry survive the drama? Tune in next week!'.
• Headline: MAKING THE MOST OF LANDSCAPING SMALL PLOTS; Careful Designing Increases the Apparent Size and Adds Interest, Character and Mystery. Impact: The trend of landscaping small plots led to the invention of the garden gnome, which has since become a symbol of suburban rebellion. Who knew tiny ceramic figures could be so subversive?. Fact: If you’re landscaping a small plot, remember: the more character, the less space for weeds. But hey, at least the weeds don’t require a permit..
• Headline: HUGE SOVIET ATLAS TO SHOW REVOLTS. Impact: The creation of the Soviet atlas showing revolts inspired countless future cartographers to make maps that looked pretty but were utterly useless. Thanks, Soviet Union!. Fact: Mapping revolts is tricky—if you miss one, the entire map becomes a historical ‘Where's Waldo?’.
• Headline: TRANSIT PAYROLL HELD UP BY CITY; Figures at Variance With 1935 Budget, It Is Declared, as Acceptance Is Refused.. Impact: The transit payroll fiasco became a case study for future city planners, who learned that if you can’t balance a budget, just blame it on the ghost of 1935.. Fact: City budgets are like diets: everyone talks about them, but no one really sticks to the plan..
• Headline: Shortage of Keg Seats Aids Sales of Tobacco. Impact: The shortage of keg seats transforming tobacco sales led to future marketing campaigns that highlight bizarre product pairings—like 'Tobacco and Keg Seats: A Match Made in Retail Hell'.. Fact: Keg seats are the unsung heroes of retail. Without them, where would people rest their drinks while they ponder their life choices?.
• Headline: COCKTAILS AT OLYMPIAD.. Impact: The cocktail mixers convention at the Olympiad created an accidental network of mixologists, leading to the rise of the 'craft cocktail' culture—because who wouldn't want a drink with a dash of pretentiousness?. Fact: Mixing cocktails is like cooking: if you can’t follow a recipe, just add more alcohol until it tastes good..
• Headline: AUTO SHOW CLOSES WITH SALES-RISING; Flood of Buying Started Here and in Nation, Dealers and Manufacturers Report.. Impact: The auto show’s sales boom kicked off the spiraling obsession with car culture, leading to a future where people get into debt just to own a shiny piece of metal that mostly sits in their driveway.. Fact: The only thing faster than a car at an auto show is the speed at which people forget their parking tickets..