JANUARY 12, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Higgins Sets 100m Breast-Stroke Record. Impact: J. Higgins's groundbreaking swim not only set a world record but also inspired a generation of swimmers, leading to the invention of the inflatable pool float. Who knew that one man's endeavor could result in leisure activities for lazy people everywhere?. Fact: The only thing faster than Higgins's swim was the internet's ability to meme it. 'Higgins? More like HIGGINSPEED!' took off before he even dried off..
• Headline: Poultry Show: Pigeons Escape and Return. Impact: The great pigeon escape of the day sparked a series of avian rebellions, ultimately leading to the formation of the 'Feathered Freedom Front.' Birds everywhere began plotting their own escapes—because why should humans have all the fun?. Fact: Turkeys, in their infinite wisdom, decided that being placated was better than being on someone's dinner plate. Who knew they had such negotiation skills?.
• Headline: Williams Alumni Critique New Deal Principles. Impact: This criticism sent shockwaves through the political sphere, leading to a series of increasingly verbose speeches that ultimately culminated in the invention of the filibuster. Thanks, alumni!. Fact: Because nothing says 'I care about progress' like a room full of alumni reminiscing about their college days while criticizing the current administration. Classic!.
• Headline: MISS EARHART OFF ON PACIFIC FLIGHT; HEARD 3 HOURS OUT; Leaves Honolulu on 2,400-Mile Journey to Oakland Never Made Solo Before.. Impact: Earhart's daring flight not only pushed the boundaries of aviation but also inspired countless 'Will she make it?' bets, leading to the birth of betting pools on everything from sports to reality TV. Thanks, Amelia!. Fact: Amelia Earhart flying solo was the original 'hold my beer' moment, long before anyone had the chance to do so in a bar..
• Headline: SpencerPlumer.. Impact: With Spencer Plumer getting engaged, a ripple effect of wedding planning began, leading to the eventual rise of Pinterest and a billion-dollar wedding industry. Imagine the chaos of cake tastings!. Fact: The engagement announcement was so understated that it left people wondering if Spencer had proposed with a ring or a coupon for a free pizza..
• Headline: WELFARE ISLAND.; Support Is Urged for Dr. Goldwater's Plans for Improvement.. Impact: Dr. Goldwater's ambitious plans for Welfare Island led to a chain reaction of urban development, ultimately resulting in cities that are less about welfare and more about luxury condos. Thanks for the gentrification, Doc!. Fact: Dr. Goldwater's plans were so popular that even the pigeons began advocating for improved park benches. Everyone wants better living conditions, right?.
• Headline: ADJUTANT GENERAL NAMES HIS ASSISTANT; Robinson Appoints Lieut. Col. Brown, World War Veteran, to Stage Office.. Impact: Robinson's appointment of Colonel Brown led to a chain of military appointments, resulting in a series of increasingly important 'office politics' that would eventually make the Pentagon look like a high school cafeteria.. Fact: Colonel Brown's appointment was so highly anticipated that they had to hire a marching band just to announce it. Because why not make everything a spectacle?.