JANUARY 4, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Whitney's Speed Report for Exchange Members. Impact: This pivotal moment in financial communication led to an increase in insider trading. After all, if you can speed report, why not speed profit?. Fact: The only thing faster than this report is the rate at which Wall Street executives can dodge accountability.
• Headline: Patman Introduces Bonus Bill for Currency. Impact: The introduction of this bill ultimately led to the creation of a black market currency in people's basements. Because who needs regulation when you have Monopoly money?. Fact: Patman sounds like the kind of guy who would try to pay for his coffee with a crumpled-up Service Certificate.
• Headline: M'CRORY CLAIMS GROW.; Morrow and Hedden Acting for Reorganization of Company.. Impact: M'Crory's claims led to intense competition among landlords, resulting in a secret society of landlords plotting to take over the world... one rent increase at a time. Fact: Landlords have always been good at concentrating power, just like a toddler with a cookie jar.
• Headline: NAZI CHIEFS MASS IN MYSTERY RALLY TO 'MANIFEST UNITY'; Sudden Secret Session Called Answer to Foreign 'Lies' on Eve of Saar Plebiscite.. Impact: This rally inadvertently inspired future conspiracy theorists, leading to decades of basement dwellers connecting dots that don’t exist. Thanks, Nazis!. Fact: If only the Nazis had invested as much time in being nice as they did in secret meetings—World War II could have been a tea party instead.
• Headline: LOANS TO BROKERS RISE $49,147,807; Stock Exchange Reports Gain in December, Making Total $880,263,155.. Impact: These loans to brokers would eventually lead to the concept of 'too big to fail,' giving birth to a generation of bankers who thought they were invincible—spoiler alert: they weren't. Fact: The amount of loans here is just a warm-up for today's financial crises. It's like the appetizer before the buffet of economic disasters!.
• Headline: POSTPONES LISTING OFFICERS' HOLDINGS; SEC Grants Extension, Pending Interpretation of 'Beneficial Owners.'. Impact: The SEC's indecision on beneficial ownership led to an era of confusion that could rival the plot of any soap opera. Who knew finance could be so dramatic?. Fact: Beneficial ownership is just a fancy term for 'who actually owns what,' which sounds simple until you realize it's more complicated than a family tree at a royal wedding.
• Headline: MOSES BRIDGE JOB IN PERIL AS ICKES SEEKS HIS OUSTER; La Guardia in Dispute With PWA Head as Latter Withholds Triborough Funds.. Impact: Ickes withholding funds became the catalyst for a series of backdoor deals and political maneuverings, proving that in politics, it's all about who has the money and who knows how to use it. Fact: If political disputes were Olympic sports, La Guardia and Ickes would have won gold medals for their dramatic duels.
• Headline: 30-HOUR BILL HIT AS IT REAPPEARS; Brookings Experts Assail Proposal Reintroduced by Connery in the House.. Impact: The backlash against the 30-hour bill sparked a nationwide debate on work-life balance that would take decades to resolve, leading to a generation of workers who just want to go home and binge-watch Netflix. Fact: The 30-hour workweek sounds great until you realize you still have to deal with the same amount of emails in less time.
• Headline: MESSAGE A DEEP SECRET.; It Will Be of 'the Highest Importance,' Robinson Predicts.. Impact: Robinson's prediction about the President's message being of 'the highest importance' led to a series of increasingly dramatic presidential speeches, culminating in the infamous 'National Nap Day' proclamation. Fact: Presidential messages are like movie trailers—nobody remembers them after the first week unless they include a celebrity cameo.