JANUARY 2, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ethel O. Donlon's Engagement Announcement. Impact: Ethel's engagement sent ripples through the world of matchmaking, leading to an explosion of awkward family gatherings and the birth of countless 'when are you getting married?' questions.. Fact: Did you know that 'engagement' is just a fancy word for 'let's plan a wedding and stress out over every detail together'? Sounds fun, right?.
• Headline: Pinehurst Golf Teams Tie in 1935. Impact: This historic tie resulted in an epic rivalry that would influence golf etiquette for generations, leading to more polite handshakes and an increase in golf clap enthusiasm.. Fact: Did you know that golf is the only sport where you can yell 'fore!' and still be considered polite? Golfers are basically the gentlemen of sports!.
• Headline: Passaic Board Elects Lee.. Impact: Lee's election sparked a chain reaction of local governance that led to an increase in board meetings, where everyone pretended to care about the agenda while actually just debating the best pizza places.. Fact: Did you know that local boards are like reality shows, except the drama is about budget allocations instead of love triangles?.
• Headline: New South Wales Tallies 318.. Impact: This score would inspire countless other teams to think they could do better, leading to an endless cycle of competition and the birth of trash-talking as a beloved sport.. Fact: Did you know that in sports, if you’re not keeping score, it’s just a very intense game of tag? Welcome to Australia!.
• Headline: HOSPITAL FUND IS AIDED.; $25,000 Gift From Davison Fund Received in $500,000 Drive.. Impact: This generous donation set off a chain reaction of philanthropy that would lead to more hospital bake sales than anyone could handle, proving once again that cookies can save lives.. Fact: Did you know that hospital fundraisers are basically a way to guilt people into buying cookies? Who knew sugar could be so altruistic?.
• Headline: TROTH IS ANNOUNCED OF MISS VANDER VEER; Debutante of Last Winter to Be Wed to Charles B. Colmore Jr., Son of Bishop Colmore.. Impact: This engagement led to an avalanche of invitations to tea parties, where everyone pretended to enjoy the crumpets while secretly wishing for the drama of a reality TV wedding.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'troth' is just a fancy way of saying 'I guess we’re stuck together now'? Romantic, right?.
• Headline: BROKEN SKI COSTS COAST LAWYER'S LIFE; B.S. Shuman, Yale Graduate, Perishes in Sub-Zero Cold on Mountain in Sierras.. Impact: This tragic event sent shockwaves through the skiing community, resulting in increased safety protocols and a newfound appreciation for staying indoors during winter months.. Fact: Did you know that skiing is the only sport where you can simultaneously feel like a pro and a fool, often within the same run? Choose your slope wisely!.