DECEMBER 27, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Auto Accident in Florida. Impact: If William Beaumont hadn't taken that Florida road trip, perhaps the entire state would have outlawed car travel by now, leading to a renaissance of horse-drawn carriages. Imagine the traffic jams of 2070 with horses instead of cars!. Fact: Did you know that breaking a neck can lead to a neck-ache that lasts a lifetime? Just kidding, that's not how that works..
• Headline: Push for Federal Sales Tax in 1934. Impact: Treadway's ambitious tax proposal may have inadvertently inspired a series of tax-themed reality TV shows, turning tax evasion into a competitive sport by 2040. Who doesn't love watching a high-stakes game of 'Hide the Cash'?. Fact: Fun fact: Federal sales tax is just a fancy way of saying, 'We need more money, and we’re looking at your wallet!'.
• Headline: General Johnson Critiques Custer Biography. Impact: Gen. Johnson's ire could have sparked a whole movement of soldiers trying to reclaim their glory, leading to a bizarre trend of historical reenactments where Custer becomes the misunderstood hero of the Wild West.. Fact: Did you know that belittling historic figures is a time-honored tradition? Just ask anyone who’s read a history book!.
• Headline: Boston & Maine to Re-employ 650. Impact: Re-employing 650 workers might have inadvertently created a time loop where the same 650 people keep getting hired and fired, leading to a bizarre 'Groundhog Day' scenario for the Boston & Maine.. Fact: You know it's a good day when 650 people get their jobs back! That's a lot of coffee breaks!.
• Headline: New City Superintendent Once a Street Sweeper. Impact: The new superintendent's humble beginnings may have inspired a trend of municipal leaders rising from the ranks of street sweepers, eventually leading to a national 'Clean Streets, Clean Politics' campaign in 2050.. Fact: Who knew street sweepers could sweep their way to the top? Next stop: President of the United States!.
• Headline: MARY McMILLEN IS BRIDE.; Daughter of Naval Officer Wed to Robert J. Schneider Jr.. Impact: Mary McMillen's marriage could have set off a chain reaction of naval officer offspring marrying into all sorts of professions, leading to a bizarre future where ship captains are married to rocket scientists.. Fact: Did you know that marriage is like a ship? It requires a strong captain and occasionally, a life raft!.
• Headline: State Bankers Will Honor J. A. Broderick At Dinner Ending Midwinter Conference. Impact: Honoring J. A. Broderick at a dinner could have sparked a trend of lavish banker dinners, eventually evolving into extravagant award shows where financial wizards compete for the title of 'Best Investment Decision.'. Fact: Fun fact: Bankers love a good dinner! It's the only time they can discuss money without feeling guilty!.
• Headline: 3,000 Visit Exhibit on Europa.. Impact: The 3,000 visitors to the Europa exhibit might have unwittingly launched a global obsession with the moon's potential for life, leading to space tourism becoming the hottest vacation trend by 2050.. Fact: Did you know Europa is one of the few moons that could actually support life? But let's be honest, it’s still probably more interesting than your last family reunion..
• Headline: JERSEY EMPLOYMENT SHOWS GAIN IN YEAR; November Figures, Off Slightly From October, Are Higher Than in 1933 Month.. Impact: The slight gain in Jersey employment might have sparked a nationwide trend of businesses claiming 'mild improvements' to boost morale, ultimately leading to the most tedious motivational speeches in history.. Fact: Did you know that 'slight gains' is also how your gym trainer describes your progress after six months? Good luck with that!.