DECEMBER 10, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nanking Progress and Canton Mission Update. Impact: The partial success of the Sun Fo Mission in Nanking set the stage for future missions to involve more snacks and fewer political negotiations, guaranteeing that nobody left hungry or bored.. Fact: Spoiler alert: 'partly successful' is just a fancy way of saying 'we ran out of time to make it a full success.'.
• Headline: GENEVA SEEKS FORMULA; Compromise Plan Is Drafted at Night Conversations. YUGOSLAVS STAND FIRM But Both Sides Are Versed in Oriental Bargaining -- Big Powers Apply Pressure. LAVAL HOLDS TRUMP CARD Reported Ready to Abandon Little Entente and Turn to Reich if War Threatens. YUGOSLAV THREAT DISTURBS LEAGUE. Impact: This Geneva conference was a pivotal moment that led to the rise of diplomatic jargon. Now, every time they need to stall for time, they just throw in 'oriental bargaining' and watch the confusion unfold.. Fact: This was probably the first instance of 'negotiations' being a euphemism for 'we're all just winging it here.'.
• Headline: HUNTED SHIP ASKS COAST GUARD HELP; Suspected Rum Boat's Master Refuses to Leave Her and Bargains With Patrol. FOOD AND FUEL EXHAUSTED Cutter, 100 Miles Off Jersey, Is Told to Aid 15 on Craft and Also Enforce Law. HUNTED SHIP ASKS COAST GUARD HELP. Impact: The coast guard's intervention created a new trend in 'adventure' tourism, where people started going on boat trips just to bargain with the authorities over snacks.. Fact: You know it's a bad day when your ship is a 'suspected rum boat' and not because you were sipping cocktails on deck..
• Headline: Minnetonka Goes Ashore Herself to Be Broken Up. Impact: The beached SS Minnetonka marked the beginning of a long tradition of ships being turned into floating hotels, ensuring that even in death, they can still make money.. Fact: This is the ultimate 'retirement plan' for a ship: go out with a bang and become a tourist attraction instead of ending up as scrap metal..
• Headline: Belgians to Stage Rally Against Alien Workers. Impact: The rally against alien workers sparked a movement that eventually led to the absurd notion that people from other countries can't possibly contribute anything valuable. Spoiler: they can.. Fact: Funny how the same people who rally against 'alien workers' often enjoy food and services provided by those very 'aliens.'.
• Headline: Berenger Greeted in Rome.. Impact: Berenger’s goodwill mission in Rome was a pivotal moment that led to the establishment of ‘goodwill ambassador’ as a fancy title for someone who gets to travel and eat free food.. Fact: In Rome, ‘goodwill’ often translates to ‘good food,’ which is probably why Berenger looked so happy during his visit..
• Headline: DANCE SOCIETY SEES BALLET OF PAVLOWA; Ella Daganova and Assistants Demonstrate Technique of Famous Ballerina.. Impact: Daganova's ballet demonstration inspired generations of aspiring dancers and a few bewildered parents who thought they were just taking their kids to another after-school activity.. Fact: The only thing more graceful than the ballet was the way parents pretended to understand what they were watching. 'Sure, sweetie, that’s... art!'.