NOVEMBER 3, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Penn State Students Clash with State Police. Impact: This chaotic football rally inspired a future generation of students to think that if they can't get a touchdown, they might as well start a riot. Next thing you know, universities across the country are hiring security guards just to keep the peace at pep rallies.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more volatile than college students with tear gas is a college student on a caffeine high? It's a wonder we don't need a safety manual for pep rallies..
• Headline: Kid Boots Wins Best of Breed in 1934. Impact: Mrs. Thornton's dog winning this competition caused a ripple effect leading to the rise of dog shows, which eventually evolved into reality TV shows where people compete over the weirdest things, like who can dress their dog in the most ridiculous outfit.. Fact: Did you know that 'best of breed' is just dog code for 'I get more attention than you'? Talk about a canine ego boost!.
• Headline: PRESIDENT EXTENDS AUTO CODE TO FEB. 1, ORDERS JOB INQUIRY; He Invokes Executive Power for a Government Study to Bring All-Year Wages,. Impact: Roosevelt's auto code extension led to a long chain of government intervention in the auto industry, eventually resulting in the invention of the minivan. Thanks, FDR, for every carpool nightmare we've had since.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing less stable than the auto industry in the 1930s was a family road trip? The more things change, the more they stay the same!.
• Headline: NAMED BELGIAN ENVOY.; Count van der Straten Pontholz to Take Washington Post.. Impact: The Count's appointment created a diplomatic ripple that made future ambassadors rethink their titles. Now, instead of 'Count', they just go with 'Dude Who Knows a Guy'.. Fact: Did you know that being an envoy is just a fancy way of saying 'I get to be in the room where it happens'? Too bad most of the time they are just stuck in meetings..
• Headline: GOLDWATER PLAN BACKED.; Welfare Council Unit Endorses Work for Chronic III.. Impact: Goldwater's welfare plan laid the groundwork for future healthcare debates. Today, people are still arguing about how to care for the sick, while simultaneously ignoring their own health.. Fact: Did you know that calling something a 'plan' doesn’t mean it’s a good one? Just ask every politician ever!.
• Headline: CENTURIES-OLD ART IS EXHIBITED HERE; Antique League Opens Display of Objects Ranging From Panels to Porcelain. MRS. ROOSEVELT SPEAKS Crown of 3 Russian Empresses, Scintillating With Diamonds, Is Placed on View.. Impact: The antique exhibition sparked a newfound appreciation for historical objects, leading to a future where people pay millions for things that are literally just old junk. Who knew hoarding could be this lucrative?. Fact: Did you know that the crown of three Russian Empresses is basically the original 'bling'? Talk about a fashion statement that could crush your skull!.
• Headline: SHOWS EMPHASIZE CAMERA'S ADVANCE; Two Exhibits of Photographs Open at Westermann's and Camera Club. ART DISPLAY EXTENDED Regional Project at Wanamaker's to Be Continued Through Next Wednesday.. Impact: The emphasis on photography exhibitions led to the rise of social media influencers, who now make a living pretending to take 'candid' shots of their overpriced avocado toast. Thanks a lot, camera clubs!. Fact: Did you know that the real reason for photography's advance was just to document how unphotogenic everyone was before filters? We're all living in a lie, folks!.