OCTOBER 25, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Warburg Critiques New Deal Spending. Impact: Warburg's suggestion of national bankruptcy sends shockwaves, leading to the first-ever 'Financial Apocalypse Survival Kit' being sold at a discount in 2035.. Fact: In an ironic twist, Warburg's critiques inspired a cult of frugal living, with followers hoarding canned beans and thrift store finds as the real currency of the future..
• Headline: Agello's Seaplane Sets Speed Record. Impact: Agello's record-setting flight sparks the creation of seaplane racing leagues, which ironically also leads to the first seaplane traffic jams in 2040. Who knew the sky could get congested?. Fact: Seaplanes became the preferred travel method for hipsters looking to avoid traffic, leading to a shortage of aviator sunglasses in the early 21st century..
• Headline: Tugwell Advocates Controlled Trade. Impact: Tugwell's speech ignites a global debate that results in the Great Trade War of 2030 where countries compete to create the least appealing import tariffs. Spoiler: Everyone loses.. Fact: The phrase 'controlled trade' is often mistakenly believed to be a brand of vegan snack bars introduced in the 2020s..
• Headline: INVESTMENT TRUST.. Impact: The vague mention of an 'Investment Trust' leads to a series of shady dealings that ultimately result in the invention of the phrase 'trust issues' in relationships.. Fact: Investment trusts became the least popular topic at dinner parties, right behind discussing your cat's diet..
• Headline: ROOSEVELT OFFERS TOLD BY LA FOLLETTE; Senator Says Brother Could Have Had No Less Than 'Eight Prominent Posts.'. Impact: La Follette’s revelation leads to a family trend where political families begin to offer jobs as holiday gifts, resulting in a surge of holiday card campaigns in the 2040s.. Fact: Eight prominent posts later became the title of a bestselling novel about a dysfunctional political family that never got past the Thanksgiving dinner table..
• Headline: EMPTY TREASURY FEARED BY COLBY; Ex-Secretary of State Holds 'Reckless' Spending Points to Collapse of Credit. HE ALSO ATTACKS THE AAA Tells Hardware Men at Atlantic City No New Purchasing Power Has Been Created.. Impact: Colby’s warnings lead to the establishment of a national 'Credit Collapse Day,' where citizens gather to discuss their financial failures while eating instant ramen.. Fact: Colby's fears about reckless spending led to the invention of a national holiday: 'Spend Responsibly Day,' which is ironically celebrated by binge shopping..
• Headline: DRASTIC CHANGES IN GOLD CUP RULES; Contest Board Adopts New Regulations for 1935 Classic to Be Held on Lake George. SPEED OBSTACLE LIFTED Elapsed-Time Basis Also Will Be Used in Determining the Winner of the Event.. Impact: The new Gold Cup rules inspire a series of bizarre water sports, including competitive synchronized paddling, which becomes an Olympic event by 2040.. Fact: The phrase 'drastic changes' became the official motto of every family reunion planning committee after the Gold Cup rule changes were announced..