OCTOBER 15, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dedication of Shrine in Pompton Lakes. Impact: The dedication of this shrine sparked a nationwide trend in shrine tourism, leading to a spike in roadside attractions and ultimately resulting in the existence of a 'Shrine to Shrines' theme park in 2050. It's a real thing, look it up.. Fact: Did you know that every time someone visits a shrine, an angel gets its wings? Just kidding, but it does boost local economies!.
• Headline: J. Roosevelt Endorses Walsh and Curley. Impact: This endorsement led to a series of political backroom deals, resulting in a secret society of politicians who, well, still can’t agree on what to order for lunch.. Fact: Fun fact: If you say 'Walsh and Curley' three times in front of a mirror, a politician will appear to tell you how to spend your taxes..
• Headline: Faith and Success: St. Conrad's Legacy. Impact: Mgr. Metzger's emphasis on religion as a path to success inspired future entrepreneurs to start businesses with names like 'Faithful Finance' and 'Holy Hotcakes,' leading to a boom in quirky Christian-themed startups.. Fact: Did you know that St. Conrad's life was so inspiring that it led to a series of motivational posters that no one actually buys?.
• Headline: NOMINEES JUDGED BY CITIZENS UNION; Martin, O'Malley, Wasservogel, Ellison and Levy Endorsed for Supreme Court. McGOLDRICK IS SUPPORTED MacCrate and McLaughlin Are Among the Candidates Who Receive Approval.. Impact: The Citizens Union's endorsement process led to a reality TV show where Supreme Court nominees had to survive a series of absurd challenges. Spoiler alert: everyone got voted off.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, court nominees will be required to perform interpretive dance to prove their qualifications? Can't wait for the inaugural ball!.
• Headline: LEHMAN TO START CAMPAIGN TONIGHT; Governor and Other Nominees to Outline State Issues at Notification Ceremony. COPELAND READY FOR TOUR Candidates Also to Be Heard at Rallies in City Before Up-State Appeal Begins.. Impact: Lehman’s campaign launch triggered a ripple effect resulting in the invention of the 'Political Pre-Campaign Snack,' which is just a fancy name for donuts but makes everything sound more important.. Fact: Did you know that every political rally has an unwritten rule about having at least one awkward moment? It’s practically a tradition at this point!.
• Headline: Wagner Appeals for Election of Taylor As Confirmation of Policies of New Deal. Impact: Wagner's appeal led to a new political trend where candidates began to incorporate song and dance into their speeches, culminating in a Broadway musical about the New Deal that flopped spectacularly. But hey, at least they tried!. Fact: Did you know that the New Deal inspired so many musicals that it led to a shortage of tap shoes in the 40s? True story!.
• Headline: SPENDING AND SPOILS.. Impact: This headline inadvertently inspired a generation of financial advisors who believe that 'spending' should always be followed by 'and spoils' for the sake of dramatic flair, leading to the rise of over-the-top financial planning sessions.. Fact: Did you know that economists often argue about whether it's better to save or spend, but in reality, they just want to buy more coffee?.
• Headline: Weirton Trial Resumes Today.. Impact: The ongoing Weirton Trial became so notorious that it inspired a new genre of courtroom dramas, eventually leading to the creation of a hit TV show where lawyers solve crimes with interpretive dance. Because why not?. Fact: Did you know that in some alternate realities, courtroom trials are decided by who can make the best sandwich? I’d watch that show..