SEPTEMBER 16, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Poultry Racket Reported Crushed. Impact: The poultry racket scandal led to stricter regulations on farming, which in turn led to the rise of organic farming. Eventually, this inspired hipsters to add 'free-range' to everything, including their artisanal avocado toast.. Fact: Did you know that before 'farm-to-table' was a thing, there were just farms? Shocking, I know..
• Headline: Sinclair Adjusts EPIC Proposals. Impact: Sinclair's plan modifications were so impactful that they accidentally created a new genre of political debate: 'What if?' discussions on communal farms that still happen at dinner parties today.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more unpopular than Sinclair's old-age pension proposal was the idea of a communal potluck that didn't involve at least three types of potato salad..
• Headline: Care of the Eyes and Human Welfare. Impact: Matthew Luckeish's book on eye care sparked a revolution in optometry, eventually leading to the invention of glasses that can double as fashion statements, because who needs functionality?. Fact: Did you know that people in the 1930s thought glasses made you look smart? Now they're just a way to signal to others that you can’t see three feet in front of you..
• Headline: BRITONS PREPARE FOR NEW EXODUS; Government Experts Urge Ban on State Aid for Groups Going to the Dominions. DEFENSE NEEDS STRESSED Committee Asks for Efforts to Find Gold, Seeing Benefit in Rush of Prospectors. BRITONS PREPARE FOR NEW EXODUS. Impact: The exodus of Britons to the dominions led to a new wave of British pubs opening worldwide. This inadvertently created a global obsession with warm beer and questionable karaoke choices.. Fact: Isn't it great how the British love to leave? If they had a dollar for every time they packed their bags, they could probably buy a one-way ticket back home..
• Headline: Academic Freedom; THE PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE. A Discussion of Freedom and Compulsion in Education. By Stephen Leacock. 48 pp. Kappa Delta Pi Lecture Series. New York: Liveright Publishing Corporation. $120.. Impact: Leacock's discussion on academic freedom led to the modern university debate on whether students should learn anything at all or just scroll TikTok for four years.. Fact: Did you know that academic freedom used to mean reading books? Now it’s mostly about reading the syllabus and wondering how you’ll get a passing grade without doing any of the actual work..
• Headline: INVESTMENT TRUSTS.. Impact: The report on investment trusts led to a new hobby for bored millionaires: investing in companies that make the worst products possible. Thank you, Beanie Babies!. Fact: Fun fact: Investment trusts are like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get, but it’s probably overpriced..
• Headline: Newspapers Celebrate Anniversary in Kansas. Impact: The celebration of the newspaper anniversary in Kansas inspired a trend of commemorative events, eventually leading to National Squirrel Appreciation Day, which we still celebrate today.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing newspapers celebrate more than anniversaries is their slow decline into obscurity? Talk about a party!.
• Headline: NEW ENGINES SEEN AS RAIL ECONOMY; Replacement of Locomotives Instead of Repairs Urged to Save Expenses.. Impact: The push for new engines in railways led to the rise of the automobile, which in turn caused traffic jams that people still complain about today. Thanks, new locomotives!. Fact: Did you know that trains were once the fastest mode of transport? Now they just serve as a reminder of how late you’ll be to your next meeting..
• Headline: NAZIS REJECT THE HEMLOCK CUP. Impact: The Nazis rejecting the hemlock cup led to a whole new avenue of political discussions on capital punishment that still confuse and frustrate people to this day. Way to keep the conversation lively!. Fact: Fun fact: The hemlock cup is not just a drink; it's a symbol of how not to end a conversation—unless you're a philosopher, then it's kind of your thing..