SEPTEMBER 13, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Massive Heist Nets $5,000 for Thieves. Impact: This heist led to a surge in safe technology, making it so complicated that future thieves decided to rob banks using only their charm and a good Wi-Fi connection instead.. Fact: It turns out, robbing a bank is just like online shopping - if you don't have the right password, you're out of luck!.
• Headline: Japan Proposes Soviet Peace Zone in 1934. Impact: Japan's request for a peace zone created an alternative timeline where sushi chefs became world diplomats, and every international conflict was resolved over a shared plate of sashimi.. Fact: They say peace is easier when you're not trying to negotiate with a hangry negotiator. Sushi parties for the win!.
• Headline: NAZI CONSUL AIDE ACCUSED; Dickstein Says Witness Will Bare Help to Spanknoebel.. Impact: The accusations against the Nazi consular aide led to a series of espionage thrillers that inspired generations of writers, all of whom somehow forgot to include vampires.. Fact: This scandal was so juicy that it could have been a Netflix series. 'Nazi Consul: The Real Housewives of Griggstown' would have been a hit!.
• Headline: N.Y.U. Offers Eye Lectures.. Impact: The eye lectures from NYU resulted in a nationwide obsession with eye health, leading to the world’s first 'Eye Yoga' class, where participants awkwardly stared at each other for enlightenment.. Fact: We're still waiting for the 'How to Make Eye Contact Without Blinking' TED Talk. Spoiler alert: it involves a lot of practice!.
• Headline: TEXAS PLATFORM VOTED.; Democrats Indorse Administration and Ask Repeal Vote.. Impact: The Texas Democrats' endorsement of the administration led to a series of uninspired political slogans and an increase in the sales of earplugs for people tired of hearing them.. Fact: When political platforms are voted on, it's like high school all over again; the cool kids always win, and the rest of us just hope for a decent prom..
• Headline: FIGHT DRESS STYLE PLAN.; Manufacturers Here to Protest Registration at NRA Hearing.. Impact: The fight over dress style plans led to a fashion revolution where the only requirement for clothing was that it had to be comfortable enough to protest in. Enter the era of sweatpants chic!. Fact: Fashion is like a bad breakup; it keeps coming back to haunt you, no matter how hard you try to move on..
• Headline: GORMAN PREDICTS A MONTH'S STRIKE; Says Union Is Prepared for Struggle to Continue and Mills Must Now Offer Peace. BOARD PRAISED BY GREEN He Assails Employers for Failure to Accept Arbitration Proposals From Workers.. Impact: Gorman's prediction of a strike fueled a labor movement that eventually inspired union workers to start their own reality show, 'Keeping Up with the Labor Negotiations.'. Fact: Striking is kind of like camping; it's all about getting comfortable with discomfort and hoping for a good s'mores recipe at the end..
• Headline: CHARLES A. LEVIN ATTEMPTS SUICIDE; Transatlantic Air Passenger Saved When Host Smells Gas in Brooklyn Home. THREE NOTES ON TABLE ' Just Can't Go On,' He Writes in One to A.J. Walter -- Lost Heavily in Market.. Impact: Levin’s suicide attempt highlighted the mental health struggles tied to financial ruin, inadvertently leading to the establishment of community support groups that became the foundation for modern therapy.. Fact: Sometimes it takes a near tragedy to remind us that money can't buy happiness, but it can definitely rent a good therapist!.