AUGUST 14, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Coney Island Song Sheet Raid. Impact: The arrest of these song-sheet peddlers inadvertently led to the underground market for karaoke machines in the 1980s, ultimately giving rise to those regrettable family nights that we all try to forget.. Fact: Because nothing says 'illicit' like a poolroom filled with the latest hits from the 1930s. I can already hear the crooners!.
• Headline: U.S. Parks for Urban Recreation. Impact: This initiative to turn poor farmland into parks inadvertently kickstarted the trend of urban gentrification, where parks became the ‘it’ spots for overpriced avocado toast and artisanal coffee.. Fact: Who knew that spending $5 million on parks would lead to brunch spots with prices that could make you question your life choices?.
• Headline: ABBEY PLAYERS GAIN FREE CHOICE OF BILLS; Dublin Drops Objections to Plays to Be Produced on American Tour.. Impact: Dublin's decision to grant free choice of plays on American tours caused an unexpected surge in mediocre adaptations and the rise of theater critics with far too much time on their hands.. Fact: Ah yes, because nothing says 'cultural exchange' like a bunch of Irish actors doing Broadway renditions of 'The Sound of Music.'.
• Headline: QUINTUPLETS' HOME NAMED FOR DOCTOR; New Building Being Erected for Dionne Infants Is Called the Dafoe Hospital.. Impact: The naming of the Dafoe Hospital for the Dionne quintuplets inadvertently inspired future parents to name their children after hospitals, leading to a bizarre trend of kids named 'Cedar' and 'Sierra Vista.'. Fact: Because if your child isn't named after a world-famous hospital, are you even trying as a parent?.
• Headline: PLANT PESTS SLAIN BY RADIO WAVES; Jersey Agricultural Station Seeks to Develop Long-Range Extermination.. Impact: Using radio waves to exterminate pests led to the development of the first 'pest control' radio station, which only plays music that drives bugs away—spoiler: it's all the worst elevator music.. Fact: I guess if you can't kill them, you might as well bore them to death with smooth jazz..
• Headline: THE ECONOMIC KEYSTONE.; According to the New Deal the Producer Is Top of the Arch.. Impact: This economic theory that placed producers at the top led to the rise of the 'influencer' economy, where everyone suddenly became a 'producer' of content—thank you, internet!. Fact: In a shocking twist, consumers still prefer to buy from actual producers rather than that one guy on Instagram selling homemade soap..
• Headline: MISS CREMIN WINS TITLE.; Defeats Mrs. Green, 2 and 1, for Lido C.C. Golf Championship.. Impact: Miss Cremin's golf championship win inspired a new wave of competitive women's sports, culminating in the creation of the world's most ridiculous trophy—a giant gold golf ball.. Fact: Mrs. Green must be thrilled to know she lost to a person named 'Miss Cremin.' Sounds like a character from a sitcom, right?.
• Headline: HOBOES ASK RATE TO END ROD-RIDING; Wistfully Eye 'the Cushions' as Convention Suggests Cent-a-Mile Rail Fare. NO HOPE IN STREAMLINERS Jeff Davis's Outfit, Meeting in Cincinnati, Also Proposes Medallions for Members.. Impact: The hobo convention's plea for a cent-a-mile rail fare led to the eventual creation of 'cheap travel' deals that would be the bane of all train conductors for decades to come.. Fact: I guess the hoboes really knew how to bargain—too bad they didn't get a commission on all those train fare discounts!.