JULY 31, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: World Friendship Festival Draws Huge Crowd. Impact: The Friendship Festival turned into a global phenomenon, leading to the establishment of Friendship Day, which now includes the awkward exchange of gifts and the inevitable 'who's going to forget this year?' stress.. Fact: Friendship is scientifically proven to lower stress levels—unless you're at this festival, where the competition for the 'Best Friend' title is fierce!.
• Headline: Phelps Sued for Breach of Promise. Impact: The breach of promise case set a precedent, leading to an entire sub-genre of courtroom dramas where the only promise kept was that of terrible acting.. Fact: Breach of promise cases have all but disappeared—much like the integrity of some of our favorite reality TV stars!.
• Headline: Heroic Rescue Off Far Rockaway. Impact: The rescue of these six people sparked a worldwide initiative for better safety measures on pleasure cruises, leading to the invention of the inflatable unicorn float.. Fact: Ironically, the only thing more dangerous than a pleasure cruise is trying to look graceful while getting off an inflatable unicorn..
• Headline: DR. WALTON 3LARK, EN6IlqEER, IS'DEAD; Head of Franklin Institute for 17 Years Succumbs at 78 in Philadelphia Home, ACTIVE IN GAS INDUSTRY First Medal for 'Distinguished and Outstanding' Work Given' Him by Corporation,. Impact: Dr. Walton's contributions to the gas industry led to a minor surge in gaslighting—both literally and metaphorically—impacting countless relationships for decades.. Fact: Gaslighting became a term in the 20th century, but I bet Dr. Walton never saw that coming when he was just trying to improve people's lives!.
• Headline: MEET ON PRINTING CODE.; Forty Jersey Editors and Publishers Gather at Rutgers University.. Impact: The gathering of editors and publishers inadvertently resulted in the birth of the 'editorial meeting snack table'—a sacred tradition that persists to this day.. Fact: The real reason editors gather? It's not for the printing code; it's for the free coffee and day-old donuts!.
• Headline: COMMITTEE IS SPLIT ON CITY LEGISLATURE; Special Group Will Try Again Today to Agree on Report to Charter Board.. Impact: The committee's split on city legislature led to an endless cycle of 'discussions' that have yet to conclude, giving rise to the phrase 'let’s table this for now'—the adult version of 'let’s agree to disagree.'. Fact: Political committees are the adult equivalent of group projects—there's always that one person who does all the work while everyone else argues about the font choice..
• Headline: In the Nation.; AAA Bearing Brunt of Heavy Political Bombardment.. Impact: AAA's political bombardment led to the creation of 'AAA: The Musical,' a Broadway sensation that no one asked for but we all secretly love.. Fact: AAA has been around since 1902—long enough to know that the only thing more exhausting than heavy political bombardments is explaining to people what AAA actually does..
• Headline: Dutch Air Travel Increases.. Impact: Dutch air travel increases led to the infamous 'Amsterdam Effect,' where tourists discovered that they could fly for a few euros and come back with a questionable souvenir and a headache.. Fact: The rise in air travel has resulted in more in-flight snacks—just what we needed, right? Because nothing says 'I'm on vacation!' like a tiny bag of pretzels..
• Headline: Jersey Assemblyman Gets Post.. Impact: This assemblyman's appointment led to a series of questionable arts programs, proving once and for all that not every board is filled with art aficionados.. Fact: Being on a board of trustees sounds prestigious until you realize it's just a fancy title for 'that one person who has to deal with the office snacks.'.
• Headline: MORE INFORMATION WANTED.; Knowledge Which Would Facilitate Cooperation With Police Urged.. Impact: The call for better cooperation with police sparked a worldwide movement towards community policing, which has led to many awkward encounters on the street—like when you accidentally make eye contact with a cop.. Fact: It's often said that knowledge is power, but let's be real—sometimes it's just a reason to avoid answering questions during traffic stops..