JULY 27, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: D.J. 'Ran's Funeral Service. Impact: The burial of J. 'Ran marked the end of an era in theatrical performance, but his legacy lives on as every aspiring actor still utters his name before they inevitably flop at their auditions. His ghost wanders the audition circuit, whispering lines of regret.. Fact: Even in death, actors seem to get more attention than most of us do alive. J. 'Ran probably has more Instagram followers now than I do..
• Headline: DOYLE TURNS BACK FARRELL IN TENNIS; Eliminates Third Seeded Star by 7-5, 3-6, 7-5 in New Jersey Junior Singles.. Impact: This match sparked a fierce rivalry that led to the invention of the phrase 'You just got Doyle'd!' signaling a dramatic upset in any sport, not just tennis. It turned into a motivational slogan for underdogs everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that tennis matches can actually change the course of history? Well, they can't, but they do make for good gossip at the country club..
• Headline: END OF FURLOUGHS IS URGED BY POLICE; Four Line Organizations Ask O'Ryan to Make Plea Before Estimate Board. GOVERNOR'S AID IS SOUGHT Elimination of Payless Leaves for All City Employes Proposed in Petition.. Impact: The push to end furloughs led to the creation of 'National Bring Your Dog to Work Day' as employees sought solace in canine companionship during economically dire times. Surprisingly, the dogs became more productive than the humans.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing worse than a payless furlough is realizing you forgot to pack lunch on a Monday. Welcome to adulting!.
• Headline: ROBINSON SIGNS AGAIN.; To Stay With Atlanta Team, With Abbott Manager, for 1935.. Impact: Robinson's decision to stay with the Atlanta team created a ripple effect that inspired countless sports contracts filled with legal jargon and confusing clauses, leading to the eventual rise of sports agents who would charge you for breathing in their presence.. Fact: Did you know that signing contracts in sports is basically the adult version of saying, 'I promise to be your friend forever'—but with more lawyers involved?.
• Headline: MINNEAPOLIS IS PUT UNDER MARTIAL LAW IN STRIKE DEADLOCK; Governor Acts After Employers Reject Peace Plan, Accepted by the Truckmen's Union. 4,000 TROOPS IN THE CITY Police and Sheriff Superseded by the Guardsmen -- Military Courts Will Be Set Up. OWNERS DENOUNCE OLSON He Retorts That They Are Out to Crush Labor -- Two Editors Are Held as Communists. MINNEAPOLIS PUT UNDER TROOP RULE. Impact: The imposition of martial law in Minneapolis not only changed labor relations but also inspired the phrase 'When in doubt, bring in the troops!' to be used sarcastically in board meetings across America for decades. Now it's a classic!. Fact: Martial law: because nothing says 'we're all in this together' like deploying troops against your own citizens. History is full of delightful ironies..
• Headline: Mercury Rises to 89; Showers Are Due Today. Impact: This weather report led to the invention of the phrase 'weather or not,' which is now used by every weatherperson trying to sound clever. Spoiler alert: it always rains when you leave your umbrella at home.. Fact: Did you know that the mercury levels in thermometers are far more reliable than the predictions of your local weather person? But hey, at least they look good in a slicker!.
• Headline: French Museum Buys 'Cowboy.'. Impact: The purchase of 'Cowboy' by a French museum initiated a wave of cultural appropriation debates that still echo in the halls of art institutions today. Who knew a watercolor could spark such existential crises?. Fact: Fun fact: Art buying is basically just an expensive game of 'who can look more cultured.' Congratulations, France!.
• Headline: KRAUSE AND SAUER LEAD FOOTBALL POLL; Head 1933 College Stars Named to Play Bears, Pro Champions, at Chicago on Aug. 31.. Impact: This football poll created an everlasting legacy of college athletes getting overshadowed by their pro counterparts, leading to a generation of college students who felt their dreams were crushed by bear mascots. Yes, the bears won...again.. Fact: Did you know that college football polls are basically just a popularity contest? Sorry, introverted athletes, better luck next year!.