JULY 2, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Crillon's True Peak Revealed. Impact: If only they had known how many people would get lost trying to climb the not-so-high Crillon peak, leading to an entire tourism industry dedicated to 'not quite the highest' mountains.. Fact: Did you know that Mt. Crillon is so unremarkable that it’s often mistaken for a speed bump on the way to cooler peaks?.
• Headline: Groundbreaking for New Episcopal Chapel. Impact: The creation of a new Protestant Episcopal edifice sparked a series of epic bake sales that would fund the world's most unnecessary church activities for decades to come.. Fact: Ground breaking: the only time people celebrate digging a hole in the ground instead of filling it in!.
• Headline: Teen Completes 33 Months in Iron Lung. Impact: This boy’s 33-month journey in an 'iron lung' inspired a generation of medical professionals to get creative with respiratory technology, eventually leading to the invention of the modern-day fan—because who doesn’t want to be mildly comfortable?. Fact: Iron lungs were so popular that they were basically the iPhones of the 1930s—everyone wanted one, but nobody wanted to use it..
• Headline: FORD RANKS FIRST IN STUDENTS' QUIZ; Choosing-a-Career Conference Selects Manufacturer for 'His Individualism.' BANKING BEST BUSINESS Brokerage Concerns, However, Are Voted as Offering Most Money for Least Work.. Impact: Ford's ranking in a student quiz led to a bizarre chain reaction where future generations believed they could simply 'choose' their careers like one picks a flavor of ice cream, ignoring the reality of student debt.. Fact: Choosing a career is like picking a favorite pizza topping—everyone has an opinion, but no one really knows what they're doing..
• Headline: Heads Sigma Phi Gamma.. Impact: The election of officers at Sigma Phi Gamma ignited a fierce rivalry, resulting in an entire subculture of Greek life that would somehow make every college campus feel like a poorly run reality show.. Fact: Sigma Phi Gamma: Where the officers are elected based on popularity, not qualifications—kind of like high school, but with more beer..
• Headline: Patrolman Wounds Himself.. Impact: The patrolman's unfortunate incident with his revolver set off a nationwide movement to create 'how-to' manuals for handling firearms, which ironically led to a lot of YouTube videos featuring 'don't try this at home' warnings.. Fact: Cleaning a gun should not be as dangerous as the actual usage of one. But hey, at least he got a story to tell at the next cop gathering!.
• Headline: MASS HONORS EXPLORER.; 30,000 at Sault Ste. Marie Open Tercentenary of Nicollet's Landing. Impact: The mass honoring the explorer Nicollet brought together 30,000 people, leading to a yearly tradition of mass gatherings that eventually evolved into the modern-day convention, where people gather to discuss absolutely nothing.. Fact: 30,000 people gathered for a mass? Talk about a congregation that could really use a bigger coffee pot!.
• Headline: CHARTER-MAKING.. Impact: The charter-making process became a convoluted bureaucratic nightmare, leading to a series of meetings that would ultimately give birth to the phrase 'let's circle back to that'.. Fact: Charter-making: the art of turning a simple idea into a labyrinth of paperwork that even the Minotaur would get lost in..
• Headline: KLAN TRIAL FIGURE SLAIN.; Codefendant of Stephenson Is Shot in Wisconsin.. Impact: The murder of a Klan trial figure sent shockwaves through the community, leading to a series of trials that would become the stuff of true crime documentaries for generations to come.. Fact: Nothing says 'justice' quite like a murder in the midst of a trial—talk about a plot twist worthy of a Hollywood script!.
• Headline: Meteors Give Off Sound as Speedy as Light, Evidence Gathered by Scientist Indicates. Impact: The discovery that meteors can produce sound traveling at light speed led to conspiracy theories about alien communications, forever changing how we view both outer space and the people who claim to have been abducted.. Fact: Meteors: the universe's way of reminding us that even in space, sound can travel faster than our ability to understand it—much like our thoughts when we hear a good conspiracy theory!.