JUNE 5, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Historic Latin America Tour of 1934. Impact: If this tour had been a circus, it might have inspired a global obsession with travel selfies. Instead, it just made everyone want to pack their bags and ignore their responsibilities.. Fact: Traveling through Latin America in style was a lot harder before Wi-Fi and Instagram. Imagine trying to find a good taco without Yelp!.
• Headline: Bakers' Union Strike Injunction Upheld. Impact: This ruling ensured that bakers stayed in their ovens, leading to a rise in bread-related puns in future labor disputes. The dough must rise, but apparently, not the workers.. Fact: The phrase 'knead to know' was actually coined during this strike. Just kidding, but it could have been!.
• Headline: Dutch Curb Alien Expulsion Powers. Impact: This event set off a chain reaction that eventually led to village mayors everywhere thinking they could just seize anyone who looked at them funny. The power truly went to their heads.. Fact: Did you know that the Dutch have a long-standing tradition of being very particular about their cheese? Maybe they should have just focused on curbing the cheese instead!.
• Headline: FIVE NATIONS HONOR JAPAN'S NAVAL HERO; American, British, Italian and French Ships Join Homeland's in Last Salute to Togo.. Impact: Togo's salute became a blueprint for all future naval funerals, inspiring a worldwide trend of synchronized ship salutes, which inevitably led to naval officers forming a flash mob dance group.. Fact: Naval funerals are the only events where you can truly be buried at sea without actually having to swim. Talk about a smooth exit!.
• Headline: COLUMBIA TO GIVE DEGREES TO 4,614; 471 Diplomas and Certificates Also Are to Be Awarded at Campus Ceremony. HULL AMONG 9 HONORED Medals Will Be Presented to Outstanding Alumni for Their Achievements. Hull, Keynes, Conant and Dodds Among Nine Who Will Get Honorary Degrees LIST OF GRADUATES FROM COLUMBIA. Impact: This massive graduation ceremony resulted in an overabundance of cap-and-gown selfies flooding social media, which ultimately led to a worldwide shortage of mortarboards.. Fact: Columbia’s diplomas are almost as hard to get as a decent cup of coffee on campus. Almost..
• Headline: PARIS PRIZE IS WON BY SCULPTOR HERE; J.M. M'Intosh Receives $1,200 and Course at Fontainebleau for 'Station of Cross.'. Impact: Winning this prize inadvertently led to a global shortage of sculptors who thought they could just replicate M'Intosh's style without the talent. Spoiler: they couldn't.. Fact: $1,200 in 1923 is basically the equivalent of winning the lottery today. Or, you know, just enough to cover rent in Manhattan..
• Headline: WESTCHESTER ACTS TO SPEED REFORMS; Supervisors Urge Committee to Draft Bill for Special Legislative Session. EXECUTIVE HELD NEEDED County Business Is Declared Too Large for Handling Under Present System.. Impact: This push for reform triggered a domino effect of bureaucratic red tape that would ultimately make any future reform discussions resemble a game of Twister.. Fact: Did you know that Westchester's idea of 'speed' is about as fast as molasses in January? Buckle up!.
• Headline: Senate Gets Commodities Bill.. Impact: This event caused economists to lose sleep and traders to start sweating profusely, leading to a nationwide rise in coffee consumption and a new appreciation for caffeinated beverages.. Fact: Commodities bills are like the fine print of your lease—everyone hates them, but they can really make or break your future..
• Headline: SCHOOL HONORS SCHAAP.; Retailing Fraternity of N.Y.U. Also Inducts H.L. Redman.. Impact: This honorary induction led to a bizarre trend of retailing fraternities popping up everywhere, where the only requirement was to wear khakis and know the difference between a discount and a clearance sale.. Fact: This fraternity probably had more secret handshakes than actual retail experience. What a time to be alive!.
• Headline: RACKET DRIVE REVIEWED.; Bennett Says 126 Criminal Cases Were Started in Seven Months.. Impact: This drive inspired a new generation of crime shows, leading to an explosion of true crime podcasts. Thanks a lot, Bennett; now we can’t stop binge-listening to murder mysteries.. Fact: The Anti-Racket Bureau sounds like a villain in a superhero movie, but in reality, they were just trying to keep the streets safe and the pastries fresh..