MAY 23, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Speculation on Alfonso XIII's Heir. Impact: If Alfonso XIII's son had not received the backing of rival factions, we might have seen a shift in Spanish monarchy that could have led to an entirely different European royal landscape. Imagine a world where Spain's royal lineage was all about disco balls instead of palaces. The horror!. Fact: Did you know that Alfonso XIII was actually born a king? Talk about a royal case of nepotism!.
• Headline: France and Russia Strengthen Military Ties. Impact: The Franco-Russian army liaison led to a buddy-cop scenario for political intrigue, which eventually made its way to the screen in the form of a terrible action movie no one asked for. Who knew a bad script could be born from military cooperation?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more uncomfortable than a liaison meeting is the awkward silence that follows? Just ask the Germans..
• Headline: TO DIRECT AMHERST PAPER; Editorial and Business Executives Are Chosen.. Impact: The editorial and business executives' selection might have paved the way for future 'yes men' who think they can run the world just because they can run a newspaper. Spoiler alert: They can't.. Fact: Did you know that most student newspapers are run on caffeine and the hope that someone will actually read them? Spoiler: They often don’t..
• Headline: RIOTS BRING ORDER FROM LABOR BOARD FOR END OF STRIKE; Terms Fixed by NRA Agency After Minneapolis Deputy, a Manufacturer, Is Killed. OTHER BUSINESS MEN HURT 5,000, in Second Day of Truckmen's Rioting, Batter 31 Special Officers. MINNEAPOLIS RIOT FATAL TO A DEPUTY. Impact: The Minneapolis riot and its aftermath might have inadvertently sparked the modern labor rights movement. Who knew that a riot could lead to better working conditions instead of just more rioting?. Fact: The tragic death of the deputy is a stark reminder that sometimes progress comes at a terrible price, often paid in blood..
• Headline: INDUSTRY LOAN BILL SPEEDED BY HOUSE; Both Parties Unite to Block Effort at Amendment of the $440,000,000 Measure. RUSH 'PAYOFF' PLAN NEXT Bank Aid Wins Right-of-Way and Chamber Will Go Into Session an Hour Early. INDUSTRY LOAN BILL SPEEDED BY HOUSE. Impact: Rushing the industry loan bill might have led to a financial domino effect, where one bad investment led to another, resulting in the invention of the term 'too big to fail'. Who knew bankers had such a flair for drama?. Fact: Fun fact: The real reason they speed up bills is because they’re afraid someone might actually read them..
• Headline: Rejects Kentucky Sales Tax.. Impact: The rejection of the Kentucky sales tax might have caused a ripple effect in state revenue, leading to the state having to sell its soul (or at least its horse statues) to fund its projects. Who knew taxes could be so divisive?. Fact: Did you know that every time a tax is rejected, a tax angel loses its wings? Think of the poor angels!.
• Headline: WEDS IN HOSPITAL BED.; Dorothy Farrell, Facing Operation, Married to J.L. Gormley.. Impact: A wedding in a hospital bed could have sparked the trend of 'healthcare weddings', where couples say 'I do' over IV drips. Talk about a commitment that’s hard to shake off!. Fact: Did you know that hospital weddings are just like regular weddings, except the cake is replaced by Jell-O and the guests are wearing scrubs?.
• Headline: The Komodo Lizard.. Impact: The Komodo lizard’s notoriety as a 'dragon' might have led to a massive increase in tourism, where people flocked to see the 'real-life dragons' that turned out to be just very large, scaly lizards. Talk about a letdown!. Fact: Did you know that Komodo dragons can eat up to 80% of their body weight in one sitting? So, basically, they’re just like my uncle at Thanksgiving!.