MAY 18, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: NRA Rules Against Ford Truck Contract. Impact: If the NRA had decided differently, perhaps the Ford trucks would have been the official government vehicle of choice instead of those iconic, completely unrelated vehicles we see today. Imagine a world where every official car was a Ford truck. Talk about a rough ride to meetings!. Fact: Fun fact: The NRA isn't just about guns; they also have a say in what your government rides around in. Who knew the fate of national transport was so 'driven' by gun laws?.
• Headline: Broughton's Resignation from Inland Press Group. Impact: Broughton's resignation may have inspired a chain reaction of journalists deciding that standing up for press freedom is a good idea. This could have led to an actual renaissance in independent journalism, or at least a few more people yelling at each other on social media.. Fact: Resigning over press freedom? Bold move! Most people just post a passive-aggressive meme..
• Headline: ATTACK ON LEAGUE GETS SHARP REPLY; Association Holds Number of Opponents Was Exaggerated at Senate Hearings. PETITION IS CHALLENGED Director Asserts Many Signed It in Belief That It Was an Anti-War Document.. Impact: This sharp reply may have momentarily quelled the opposition, but it also laid the groundwork for future Senate hearings turning into epic slapfests. Now we have political debates that could rival a reality TV show!. Fact: The League of Nations was like that kid in school who tried really hard to be liked but ended up being the punching bag. Spoiler alert: It didn't end well..
• Headline: $25,181 TAKEN BACK FROM BOGUS NEEDY; Bureau Finds Many on Relief Rolls Have Good Jobs or Money in Banks.. Impact: The discovery of bogus needy could have sparked a nationwide effort to actually check the financial health of those on relief rolls, leading to a future where no one could fake being poor. Now imagine all the people who'd suddenly have to get real jobs!. Fact: It's amazing how many people think the government won't notice if you're sitting on a stack of cash while claiming to be needy. Spoiler: They will notice..
• Headline: Article 7 -- No Title. Impact: The mysterious Article 7 may have inspired future generations to write more articles without titles, leading to a literary movement that embraced ambiguity. Today’s hipster poets owe their careers to this moment!. Fact: No title? No problem! Just call it 'art' and watch those pretentious critics swoon..
• Headline: Heads Hunter Biology Club.. Impact: The Biology Club elections might have set off a chain reaction of students deciding that learning about life was far more interesting than their actual lives, resulting in a generation of biologists who never left the lab.. Fact: Joining a club about biology is like joining a gym — everyone gets excited about it at first, but most just end up ignoring it within weeks..
• Headline: ENGINEERS TEST 22 AUTOS.; Automotive Society Members Are Guests at Curtiss Airport.. Impact: Testing 22 auto models at the airport might have been the catalyst for the automotive industry’s obsession with speed. Who knows? If they hadn’t tested them, we might all be driving around in 1970s sedans still.. Fact: Testing cars at an airport: because where else would you find enough space to realize your car can go from zero to sixty in just under a second? Not that anyone needs to know that..
• Headline: 2,000,000 ANIMALS NEED DROUGHT AID; Federal Administrator Proposes to Move All and Sell Cattle on Open Market.. Impact: The proposal to sell cattle on the open market could have resulted in meat prices skyrocketing, sending shockwaves through the dinner tables of America. Suddenly, vegetarianism would have been a trendy movement instead of just a phase.. Fact: 2 million animals needing drought aid sounds like the start of a really bad joke. But no punchline here; just a lot of hungry cattle and confused farmers..