APRIL 13, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Byrd's Radio Report from Blizzard Isolation. Impact: Byrd's blizzard report led to the first-ever polar expedition selfie, inspiring future adventurers to document their every sneeze on social media. Thanks, Byrd!. Fact: Did you know that Byrd's expedition was so lonely that he named his radio 'Sophie' and had deep conversations with it? No? Well, now you do!.
• Headline: Veterans Push for Major Reforms. Impact: The veterans' demands for reforms set off a chain reaction leading to the creation of the 'Veterans Day Parade' where they could march and complain about the government, solidifying their role as America's most organized grumblers.. Fact: Fun fact: The original name for Veterans Day was 'Let's Argue About the Constitution Day'. They decided it sounded too confrontational..
• Headline: San Juan Impasse: Governor vs Legislature. Impact: The San Juan deadlock inspired future generations to embrace political gridlock as a national pastime, leading to the invention of the board game 'Congressional Deadlock'—hours of fun for the whole family!. Fact: Did you know that the longest deadlock in history was actually a game of charades gone wrong? Just kidding, it was probably just Congress..
• Headline: Passaic Bank Clerk Held.. Impact: The arrest of the bank clerk sparked a series of events leading to a national 'Clerk Safety Month', where every bank worker was advised to stay away from items labeled 'cash'—because who needs that kind of stress?. Fact: Did you know that bank clerks have their own secret language? It's mostly just 'Can I take your order?' and 'I'm sorry, sir, but that's not my department.'.
• Headline: KLEIN ACQUITTED OF FRAUD CHARGE; Cleared of Falsifying Road Vouchers in Queens After Jury Deliberates 11 Hours.. Impact: Klein's acquittal was the spark that ignited the great 'Fraud or Not' debate, leading to the creation of a popular game show, which is still running today—'Will They or Won't They?'. Fact: Did you know the jury deliberated for 11 hours? They were actually debating whether pizza or sandwiches were the better lunch option..
• Headline: HOSPITAL HEAD OUT; HELD INCOMPETENT; Goldwater Suspends Dr. Peter J. Johnson of Cumberland St. Institution, Brooklyn.. Impact: Dr. Johnson's suspension led to the establishment of a new medical specialty: 'Incompetence Management'. Hospitals worldwide still struggle to find qualified practitioners.. Fact: Did you know that being held incompetent is the medical equivalent of being voted off the island? Only, in this case, the island is a poorly funded hospital..
• Headline: Johns Hopkins Students to Join.. Impact: The participation of Johns Hopkins students in the anti-war movement kickstarted a trend where students everywhere felt it was their duty to protest, leading to the creation of the 'Protest Olympics'—where everyone wins... participation trophies.. Fact: Did you know that during the anti-war week, students actually just wanted to avoid midterms? Shocking!.
• Headline: Double Strike at Harvard.. Impact: The double strike at Harvard led to the invention of the phrase 'double trouble', which has since become a staple of parenting advice and reality TV show plotlines.. Fact: Did you know the pro-war group tried to retaliate by organizing a bake sale? Because nothing says 'war' like cookies and cupcakes!.
• Headline: 2 in Court Over Harlem Riot.. Impact: The Harlem riot court case set off a wave of legal dramas in America, paving the way for countless TV shows where lawyers argue passionately about everything except the actual law.. Fact: Did you know that one of the judges involved was actually a former stand-up comedian? His jokes still echo in the courtroom today... mostly the bad ones..
• Headline: METHODIST LEADER ASSAILS HITLERISM; Tells Conference Movement Is a Threat to Christianity -- Service for Dead Pastors.. Impact: The Methodist leader's assailment of Hitlerism was a pivotal moment that led to the 'Preach and Protest' movement, inspiring countless sermons and a few too many awkward family dinners.. Fact: Did you know that Rev. Dr. Hough once tried to organize a 'Prayers Against Tyranny' bake sale? It didn't go as planned—too many arguments over frosting styles..