MARCH 27, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: France Ends Tire Quotas in 1934. Impact: By removing the tire quota, France inadvertently set off a global obsession with fashionable tires. The next thing you know, tire fashion shows are a thing, and Paris becomes the world's tire capital. Who knew rubber could be so chic?. Fact: Did you know that tires have been known to be the unsung heroes of road trips? Without them, we’d just have a lot of very disappointed travelers stuck on flat roads.
• Headline: Mabel Beaver's Notable Marriage Announcement. Impact: Mabel Beaver's marriage to F. C. Grumman sparked a surge in nursing graduates marrying military personnel, eventually leading to the creation of 'Nurse Wives of Veterans' – a reality TV show that never made it past the pilot due to too much drama. Fact: Fun fact: The title 'Youngest Graduate Nurse' is basically the equivalent of being the youngest person to finish a marathon – everyone is impressed, but also secretly judging your life choices.
• Headline: Miss Thoivipson to Marry in Washington. Impact: M.K. Thompson's wedding plans inspired a new trend where people send out save-the-dates a decade early, causing a worldwide calendar crisis. Now no one knows when to book their vacations. Fact: Did you know that wedding planning is 90% stress and 10% cake? The cake is the only good part.
• Headline: ROOSEVELT WANTS 'TEETH' IN STOCK EXCHANGE BILL; SEEKS SPECULATION LIMIT; SUPPORTS PENDING DRAFT It Meets Minimum Requirements of Strict Regulation, He Says. LARGE MARGINS REQUESTED President Asserts Protests Are 'Highly Organized' From a 'Common Source.' FLOOR TRADERS SEE HARM Bill Is Introduced for Stringent Regulation of Commodity Exchanges. ROOSEVELT BACKS THE EXCHANGE BILL. Impact: Roosevelt's push for regulation led to a long, twisted tale of Wall Street reform that eventually resulted in the invention of the fidget spinner as a coping mechanism for day traders. Thank you, FDR!. Fact: Did you know that high margins in trading are just a euphemism for 'we really don’t want you to play with the big boys'? Just like a bouncer at a nightclub.
• Headline: 99.8% VOTE FOR FASCISTS.; Only 15,265 Contrary Ballots With 10,041,997 Endorsing Regime.. Impact: The overwhelming fascist vote created a butterfly effect that led to the world's most elaborate 'how to rig an election' workshops, eventually giving rise to the meme culture we know and love today. Fact: Did you know that '99.8% approval' is the political equivalent of 'everyone loves my cooking'? Spoiler alert: nobody actually likes it.
• Headline: Denies Link to Amanullah Case.. Impact: F. Wohman's denial of any link to the Amanullah case sparked a series of conspiracy theories that led to the creation of a new genre of detective novels where the protagonists are just really bad at solving mysteries. Fact: Fun fact: Denying knowledge of a case is the oldest trick in the book, right next to 'the dog ate my homework' and 'I swear I returned that library book.'.
• Headline: DENTISTS COMPLAIN OF PAY FROM CWA; Mass Meeting Told Professional Men Get $18 a Week and Bricklayers $14 a Day.. Impact: Dentists complaining about pay led to the national movement for dental insurance, which, ironically, made it even harder to afford dental visits. Thanks for nothing, CWA!. Fact: Did you know that saying 'I’m a dentist' at parties is almost as effective as saying 'I’m a tax collector'? Both clear the room faster than you can say 'root canal.'.
• Headline: Princeton Flier Is Forced Down.. Impact: The forced landing of N. S. Kemmerer introduced the concept of 'emergency landings' to aviation classes, leading to the popularization of inflatable slides... and that weird feeling when you realize you might just have to use them. Fact: Did you know that pilots are trained to handle emergencies like a pro? Meanwhile, I can barely handle my phone dying mid-scroll.
• Headline: INCREASED GAINS IN RAIL EARNINGS; February Income of 27 Lines $9,812,000 -- 1933 Figure Was $3,348,000. JANUARY'S RISE EXCEEDED Gross Revenues at $61,032,000, an Increase of 17.8 Per Cent Over That of East Year.. Impact: Increased rail earnings led to an obsession with train travel that created the world's first 'Trainspotters Anonymous,' a club where members just stare at trains. Really thrilling stuff. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more exciting than train earnings is watching paint dry. But hey, at least the trains get somewhere!.
• Headline: DR. TROWBRIDGE'S FUNERAL. i. Impact: Dr. Trowbridge's funeral plans inadvertently encouraged a trend of overly elaborate and themed funerals, resulting in an entire industry dedicated to making death as entertaining as possible. Fact: Did you know that the average funeral costs more than a college education? Just think of it as investing in your last party – but without the hangover.