MARCH 26, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Art Group Forum Discusses Artist Relations. Impact: The discussions at this college art group meeting sparked a chain reaction where artists began to blame the public for not understanding their genius. This eventually led to the creation of the 'Pretentious Artist' stereotype that still haunts gallery openings today.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Artist and Public' could have been the title of a cliche sitcom that never got made. You're welcome..
• Headline: Harvard Students Juggle Jobs and Studies. Impact: This revelation that Harvard students moonlighted as nursemaids and cooks has led to a long-standing tradition of students finding the weirdest side gigs imaginable. Who knew that a future CEO would once have made a killer lasagna?. Fact: Seriously, 40% of students working part-time? I guess 'student loans' were still just a twinkle in the financial aid office's eye..
• Headline: AUSTRIA PROJECTS AUTOCRATIC STATE; New Constitution to Put Full Power in Ruler -- Laws to 'Emanate From God.' FIVE COUNCILS WILL ACT Plebiscites to Be Held at the Discretion of Government -- Plan Effective in Week. AUSTRIA PROJECTS AUTOCRATIC STATE. Impact: Austria's descent into autocracy not only paved the way for decades of political upheaval but also inspired countless conspiracy theories about rulers claiming divine rights. Spoiler alert: it didn't end well.. Fact: Fun fact: if laws really did emanate from God, I’m guessing the wait time for legislation would be longer than the average Netflix series cancellation..
• Headline: GIANT 'EYE' MOLDED IN CORNING FACTORY; Four Thousand Watch Glass Pouring for Reflector of Greatest Telescope. 35 MEN LABOR TEN HOURS Job Is Held Successful Despite Mishaps -- 3 More Years' Work Remains. POURING OF MOLTEN GLASS INTO MOLD FOR 200-INCH TELESCOPE MIRROR. GIANT 'EYE' MOLDED IN CORNING FACTORY. Impact: The creation of the giant 'eye' for the telescope led to a newfound obsession with looking at stars. This ultimately resulted in the invention of astrology, where people began blaming their love lives on celestial bodies instead of their dating choices.. Fact: They say the glass was so clear that the factory workers could see into the future. Too bad they didn't foresee all the mishaps!.
• Headline: PRESS CLUB PLANS FROLIC; Newspaper Columnists Will Match Wits With Actors.. Impact: The newspaper columnists and actors frolicking together resulted in a bizarre mix of serious journalism and cheap theatrics, leading to the modern-day 'news anchor with a personality' phenomenon. Yes, I’m looking at you, daytime talk shows.. Fact: Word on the street is that the columnists were betting on who could tell the worst dad joke. Spoiler: They all lost..
• Headline: To Plan Disaster Relief Here.. Impact: The planning for disaster relief turned out to be a classic case of 'better late than never.' It inspired a multitude of disaster movies where the main characters always seemed to have a plan... right after the first explosion.. Fact: Ironically, no one actually planned for the disaster of boring meetings. That's always a surprise!.
• Headline: The Warren Theory.. Impact: The Warren Theory on quantitative money became the foundation for future economists to argue endlessly about how money works. This led to the popularization of the phrase 'it's not about the money' among people who clearly had no idea what they were talking about.. Fact: Fun fact: Warren's theory was so complex that even his calculator needed a calculator..
• Headline: HINES FOES IN NEW CLUB.; Eleventh A.D. Group to Open New Headquarters Tonight.. Impact: The formation of the new club for Hines' foes probably did nothing more than create a fantastic reality show premise. Imagine the drama—backstabbing, alliances, and one person always getting kicked out for not following the rules.. Fact: They say the club meetings were just a cover for an elaborate game of charades. Spoiler: Someone always guessed 'dictator' correctly..