MARCH 20, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Britain's Income Tax on Service Workers. Impact: The new tax on bellboys led to an underground economy where bellboys doubled as secret agents for hotel guests, trading inside gossip for tips, thus launching a new era of hotel espionage.. Fact: Did you know that the British government once thought taxing bellboys would solve the economy? Spoiler alert: it didn’t..
• Headline: Rail Unification Advocacy Gains Momentum. Impact: The push for a rail unifier inadvertently inspired a terrible reality show called 'America’s Next Top Railroad Tycoon,' which set back train travel by decades, as everyone was too busy competing for screen time.. Fact: Fun fact: nothing screams progress like extending a coordinator's term. It’s like asking a sloth to run a marathon..
• Headline: Tension Between Prague and Warsaw Grows; Poland Charges Czechs Persecute Minority. Impact: The tension escalated into a rivalry that would eventually inspire a series of dramatic soap operas that swept through Eastern Europe, making everyone forget they were actually supposed to be, you know, cooperating.. Fact: Did you know that international conflicts often lead to binge-worthy drama? Who knew history could be so... entertaining?.
• Headline: JERSEY FINANCES UPHELD IN REPORT; Majority of a Legislative Committee Finds Sinking Fund Well Administered.. Impact: The findings led to a nationwide obsession with 'well-administered' funds, resulting in every state trying to outdo each other with increasingly bizarre financial terms, including the infamous 'Super Sinking Fund.'. Fact: Jersey's finances were so well-managed, they almost inspired a reality show called 'Keeping Up with the Capital.'.
• Headline: AUTO MAKERS HERE REPORT 'PROGRESS' AT STRIKE MEETING; Gen. Johnson Confers With Leaders of Industry in Effort to Avert Walkout. DETROIT CITY PLANS PLEA Decision Follows Trade Chamber's Appeal to Men to Ignore A.F. of L. Proposals. AUTO MAKERS HERE REPORT 'PROGRESS'. Impact: The strike meeting became known as the 'Great Auto Negotiation' and resulted in the invention of the world's first car that could negotiate its own trade deals, putting all human negotiators out of work.. Fact: Progress at a strike meeting is like a cat learning to swim; it’s not going to end well, but at least it will be memorable..
• Headline: Storm at Sea Raises Fears.. Impact: The storm not only raised fears for S Insull's health but also inspired a line of 'storm survival kits' that included everything from snacks to life vests, eventually leading to the modern-day emergency preparedness movement.. Fact: Storms at sea have been known to cause panic among rich people. Just think of all the yacht parties that ended in chaos!.
• Headline: Yacht Lost Off England; Two Chicagoans Saved. Impact: The dramatic rescue led to a new trend in luxury yacht design, where every yacht came equipped with personal lifeguards who also doubled as bartenders. Safety first, right?. Fact: Two Chicagoans saved? They probably just wanted to get back to the windy city for some deep dish pizza..
• Headline: ASSURANCE GROUP REVEALS CONDITION; Insurance Company of North America Had $80,901,986 Assets at End of 1933. REPORTS BY AFFILIATES Parent Concern and Its Five Subsidiaries Show Contingency Reserves for Market Drop.. Impact: The insurance group’s revelation inspired a new era of over-cautiousness where people began insuring absolutely everything, including their breakfast and pet goldfish.. Fact: Did you know that insurance companies thrive on fear? If you have a pulse, you probably qualify for a policy..
• Headline: REBELS SURRENDER CITY IN WEST CHINA; Quick Collapse of the Ningsia Revolt Is Now Predicted by Government Officials. MANCHUKUO FOE A SUICIDE Li Shung-fung, Surrounded in a Hotel in Harbin, Jumps From 5th-Floor Window.. Impact: The suicide of Li Shung-fung inadvertently turned him into a martyr, inspiring a series of historical novels that romanticized rebellion, thus skewing public perception of revolts for generations.. Fact: Li’s dramatic exit from the hotel made him a tragic hero in the eyes of many, proving that sometimes the best stories come from the worst endings..