MARCH 18, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tax Exempt Properties Under Review. Impact: This scrutiny led to a secret cabal of property owners who conspired to create the 'Free List Club', where only members were allowed to enjoy tax-free gatherings over overpriced hors d'oeuvres.. Fact: When it comes to taxes, the only thing more certain than death is that someone will always find a way to avoid paying them..
• Headline: Greece to Decorate Miss Cart.. Impact: The decoration of Miss Cart for her tuberculosis work led to an unexpected surge in tuberculosis awareness, resulting in a sudden spike in the demand for cough syrups and herbal remedies. Who knew a medal could turn into a marketing tool?. Fact: The Silver Cross of the Order of Phoenix sounds fancy, but it's just another way to say, 'Congratulations on surviving a disease that almost everyone else got.'.
• Headline: 500 Doukhobors to Be Freed.. Impact: The gradual return of 500 Doukhobors from prison sparked a movement that led to the establishment of the 'Freedom for All' festival, where everyone celebrated with interpretive dance and artisanal bread. Nothing says freedom like gluten!. Fact: Doukhobors are known for their pacifism and love for nature. So, freeing 500 of them probably involved more peace signs than high-fives..
• Headline: Wants Security Bill Defeated.. Impact: The Newark Chamber of Commerce's opposition to the security bill led to the formation of 'The Society for the Preservation of Total Insecurity', where members met to discuss how to thrive in a world without rules—think Mad Max but with more coffee breaks.. Fact: The Newark Chamber of Commerce opposing a security bill is like a toddler refusing to wear a seatbelt—adorably reckless and slightly concerning..
• Headline: GAIN RAPID IN AUSTRALIA.; Newspaper Finds Country 'Riding to Prosperity on Sheep's Back.'. Impact: Australia's sheep-driven prosperity led to an unexpected rise in sheep-themed merchandise, including wooly hats and sheep yoga classes. The sheep, however, remained unimpressed and continued to munch grass.. Fact: Riding to prosperity on a sheep's back sounds cute until you realize that sheep are not known for their speed. Talk about slow progress!.
• Headline: THE STORY BOOK OF THINGS WE USE. Houses, Clothes, Food, Transportation. By Maud and Miska Petersham. Unpaged. Philadelphia. The John C. Winston Company. $2.50.. Impact: This book inadvertently sparked a movement for minimalist living, where people began to question why they owned 27 spatulas. Spoiler: they didn’t have a good reason.. Fact: A book about things we use that is unpaged is the perfect metaphor for modern life—lots of stuff, but no real direction..