MARCH 13, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mystery of the Missing Colombian Plane. Impact: The disappearance of the passengers sparked a global obsession with aviation safety, leading to the invention of the emotional support animal. Because nothing says 'I'm safe' like a tiny emotional support iguana on your lap.. Fact: You know, for a while, people thought planes were just really fast buses. Spoiler alert: They weren't..
• Headline: Germany Ends Aid to New York Papers. Impact: This decision inadvertently birthed the 'self-sufficient newspaper' movement, which eventually led to the rise of clickbait articles. Thanks, Germany! Because who wouldn't want to read '10 Ways Your Cat Might Secretly Be a Spy'?. Fact: Fun fact: The last time newspapers sought salvation, they ended up in a 'Save Our Industry' bake sale. Spoiler: It didn't work..
• Headline: SLAYS CWA JOB DIRECTOR.; Schenectady Worker Then Attempts to Kill Himself.. Impact: This tragic incident set off a series of events that led to stricter workplace safety regulations, which ultimately resulted in the invention of mandatory 'Do Not Kill Your Co-Workers' seminars.. Fact: It turns out, workplace violence doesn't just happen in movies. Who knew reality could be so thrilling?.
• Headline: FRENCH ARMS NOTE GIVEN TO CABINET; Barthou Submits Draft of the Reply to London Which Will Be Sent This Week. PROPOSALS NOT REJECTED Paris Begins to Speculate on Reports of MacDonald Plan for 'Lausanne' Arms Parley.. Impact: The French Cabinet's response to the British arms proposal led to a series of diplomatic tea parties, which eventually resulted in more pastries than peace treaties. Because nothing says 'we're serious about disarmament' like éclairs.. Fact: Did you know that the French invented the croissant as a peace offering? It’s true! Just ask any French baker..
• Headline: Sweden Plans Loan to Soviet.. Impact: This loan deal kickstarted a decades-long friendship between Sweden and the Soviet Union, culminating in an annual exchange of IKEA furniture and vodka. A match made in minimalist heaven.. Fact: IKEA once tried to sell a 'Soviet Collection' which included items like the 'Red Scare Sofa'. It didn’t catch on..
• Headline: Body of American Found in Iraq. Impact: The discovery of the American's body led to a series of diplomatic tensions, resulting in the now-famous 'Iraqi-American Body Recovery Program', which is basically a really long title for 'unfortunate misunderstandings'.. Fact: In Iraq, 'body found' actually translates to 'Oops, wrong address!' in diplomatic speak..
• Headline: BARNARD EDITORS TO VOTE; Majority Will Decide Policies of Bulletin in Future.. Impact: The editors voting on policies eventually led to the rise of editorial boards that take longer to make decisions than Congress. The result? Endless debates over font styles and color palettes.. Fact: Fun fact: The most debated topic among editors is whether to use Oxford commas or not. It’s like a civil war, but for grammar enthusiasts..
• Headline: ROOSEVELT FACES DEFEAT ON SEAWAY; Only a Strong Statement Can Save the Treaty, Garner Tells the President.. Impact: Roosevelt’s looming defeat on the seaway treaty incited a national debate that lasted for decades, eventually leading to the invention of the phrase 'let's just agree to disagree' in political discourse.. Fact: Did you know that the St. Lawrence Seaway was almost renamed 'The Great Waterway of Endless Political Arguments'? True story!.