MARCH 10, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Burial Lot Purchase and Tragedy. Impact: If only he had bought a timeshare instead! The butterfly flaps its wings, and suddenly real estate agents start marketing burial lots as the hottest investment of the century. Who knew death could be a lucrative business?. Fact: Did you know that buying a burial lot is often considered a 'final investment'? Talk about a market with no returns!.
• Headline: Town Celebrates Return Of Cleared Life-Termer. Impact: This one confession not only frees a man but also sparks a wave of true crime podcasts and Netflix documentaries. Who knew that one guilt-ridden confession could lead to binge-watching marathons decades later?. Fact: Fun fact: Confessions can be quite the plot twist! Just ask any mystery writer or reality TV producer..
• Headline: New York State Planning Board Established. Impact: Ah yes, the creation of a planning board to plot the social aims of the state—because we all know that bureaucracy makes everything more efficient and not at all like watching paint dry.. Fact: Did you know that planning boards are basically just groups of people who love meetings? They rarely plot anything exciting unless it's lunch..
• Headline: DOCTOR GRAVES WINS BLUE AT HORSE SHOW; Somerville Gelding Is Placed First in Hunter Class as Camden Exhibition Opens.. Impact: Doctor Graves winning at a horse show might just be the catalyst for the rise of equestrian influencers and a whole new Instagram niche. Who knew horses could be the next big thing?. Fact: Did you know that horses were once the primary mode of transportation? Now they just help people win shiny ribbons and Instagram followers..
• Headline: Ileana Joins Heimwehr; To Address Rally Today. Impact: Ileana joining Heimwehr? One small step for a woman, one giant leap for awkward family reunions in the future. Just wait until she brings her political views to Thanksgiving dinner.. Fact: Did you know that Heimwehr loosely translates to 'home defense'? Because nothing says 'welcome home' like a rally for armed militias!.
• Headline: PERMITS TO LOAN BANKS.; State Board Authorizes Changes in Business Locations.. Impact: Permitting banks to loan is like giving a kid a candy store—what could possibly go wrong? Spoiler alert: the economy takes a rollercoaster ride.. Fact: Did you know that the banking system is often more about trust than actual money? Kind of like believing your friend will actually pay you back..
• Headline: AIDES TELL CURRY HE CAN HOLD POST; Leader Confident After Talk With Friends That Strength of Revolt Is Overrated. FARLEY KEEPS HANDS OFF Talks With Flynn on Economy Bill Without Shaking Bronx Leader's Opposition.. Impact: Curry holding onto his position while Farley plays the ‘hands-off’ game? This is the political version of holding your breath until someone gives you what you want. Spoiler: it rarely works.. Fact: Did you know that political confidence is often just a fancy word for crossing your fingers behind your back?.
• Headline: WIN AWARDS BY RUTGERS.; Flushing and Wood Ridge Girls Get $1,500 Fellowships.. Impact: Awards by Rutgers? Fast forward to today, and suddenly everyone's vying for fellowships like they're the last slice of pizza at a party. The competition gets fierce!. Fact: Fun fact: Fellowships are like adult participation trophies. Everyone wants one, but not everyone knows what to do with it afterward..