FEBRUARY 14, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: French Response to German Disarmament Note. Impact: This sharp tone sparked a series of diplomatic barbs that eventually led to an awkward dinner party in 1940 where everyone was too tense to enjoy the soufflé.. Fact: Did you know that diplomatic responses have been known to cause more tension than a family reunion? Pass the peace treaty, please..
• Headline: Response to Evening Class Cuts in NYC. Impact: The curtailing of evening classes led to a generation of adults who thought 'basic math' was just a suggestion, resulting in a nationwide shortage of accountants in the '80s.. Fact: Who knew that cutting evening classes would lead to people thinking that budgeting was just a fun idea? A real head-scratcher!.
• Headline: Shake-Up in Jersey Legal Staff. Impact: Garven's appointment caused a series of events that led to an unexpected increase in pothole complaints, resulting in the birth of a new local hero: the pothole vigilante.. Fact: In New Jersey, appointing someone to a highway position is like giving them a golden ticket to the pothole Olympics. Good luck!.
• Headline: FEASTING USHERS IN CHINESE NEW YEAR; Dragon Writhes Through the Streets of Chinatown at Midnight. DEBTS OF OLD YEAR PAID Today the Lucky Lion Will Join Monster for Tong Parade Lasting Four Hours.. Impact: The parade of dragons and lions inspired a global trend of elaborate parades, which eventually led to the invention of competitive eating contests. Thanks, China!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more impressive than a dragon dance is the amount of food consumed afterward? The real winners are the restaurants!.
• Headline: British Princesses in Cristobal.. Impact: This royal visit led to a surge in tourism, causing local merchants to sell more 'I Heart Cristobal' shirts than ever, forever changing the souvenir market.. Fact: Royal visits: the original influencers! Who needs social media when you can just show up in a fancy hat?.
• Headline: YOUNG PICKED FOR REGENT; Only One Negative Vote Cast in Legislature on Nomination.. Impact: The near-unanimous vote inspired a movement of political apathy, leading to a future where everyone believed voting was optional. Spoiler: it wasn't.. Fact: When there's only one negative vote, you know the person is either very confident or has a secret stash of dirt on the rest of the voters..
• Headline: JEROE DIES AT?4; LONG TA1VIMANY FOEi; District Attorney Whose Raids Roused the City.30 Years Ago Succumbs to Pneumonia, LED REFORM MOVEMENTS But Was Not 'Reformer' Type -- Closed Canfield Resort and Prosecuted ThAw.. Impact: Jerome's passing marked the end of an era, leading to a brief period of chaos where criminals thought they could actually get away with things. They were mistaken.. Fact: It's a sad day when the man who kept the city on its toes passes away. Now who's going to keep the popcorn industry thriving during trials?.
• Headline: LEHMAN PROTESTS UNSOUND ECONOMY; Governor, Over Radio, Warns Against Impairing Permanent Social Services. URGES STAND BY STATE He Stresses 'Wise Spending,' Avoiding 'Short Cuts' and Meeting Responsibilities.. Impact: Lehman's protests inadvertently led to a nationwide movement for better budgeting practices, though it took a couple of decades and a few too many economic crises.. Fact: Warning against unsound economy over the radio is just like shouting into a void—rarely effective, but it sure makes for good background noise!.
• Headline: CORNING GLASS ART WINS BINNS MEDAL; Frederick Carder Receives Gold Award at Ceramic Society Session in Cincinnati.. Impact: This win inspired a boom in glass art that made every grandma in America think they could start a new career in glassblowing. Spoiler: they couldn't.. Fact: Winning a medal for glass art is like getting a gold star for showing up. Not that I’m bitter or anything!.