JANUARY 20, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ellsworth Considers Fall Flight Plans. Impact: If Ellsworth had taken Byrd's offer, we might have seen the first aviation company specializing in Antarctic joyrides, leading to an explosion of penguin-themed tourist traps in the 21st century.. Fact: Ellsworth's flight plans were so ambitious, they could have inspired the original 'Fast and Furious' franchise, but with more ice and fewer cars..
• Headline: Andes Road Reconstruction Challenges in 1934. Impact: The uncertainty of road rebuilding in the Andes likely led to a severe shortage of llama taxis, causing a spike in foot traffic and the unofficial launch of hiking as a global trend.. Fact: Engineers doubting their prospects is basically the prequel to every road trip ever taken—'Are we there yet?' turns into 'Are we even going to make it?'.
• Headline: Lee Defeats Kaiser in Billiards Title Match. Impact: Lee's billiards victory over the Kaiser may have inadvertently led to the rise of competitive billiards as a national pastime, with future generations believing it was a legitimate way to settle international disputes.. Fact: This match was so intense that had it been televised, it could have sparked the first ever billiards reality show. 'Real Billiard Wives of America' anyone?.
• Headline: Heads Colleges' Association.. Impact: The election of college heads probably sparked a secret society of academic elites who conspire to create the most convoluted syllabi known to mankind, all while sipping overpriced coffee.. Fact: Heads of colleges are like referees in sports—nobody really knows what they do, but everyone has a strong opinion about them..
• Headline: 250 in Posse Capture Five Bank Bandits After Wild Chase Over 6 Illinois Counties. Impact: The capture of bank bandits may have inspired a wave of crime dramas, solidifying the trope of the lovable rogue whose antics are somehow charming despite them robbing banks.. Fact: In a twist of fate, these bank bandits may have inadvertently fueled the need for more 'cops and robbers' games on playgrounds everywhere..
• Headline: Song for City Schools.. Impact: The push for a song for city schools likely led to an influx of poorly sung morning assemblies, which then spiraled into the rise of karaoke bars as a form of educational therapy.. Fact: If only they had known that forcing kids to sing in public would lead to half-hearted performances of 'Let It Go' years later, they might have reconsidered..
• Headline: Liquor Big Factor in Gain In Sales of Stores Here. Impact: The rise in liquor sales was surely a sign that people were preparing for the Great Depression, leading to a long-standing association between economic downturns and a good drink.. Fact: This spike in liquor sales suggests that during tough times, Americans figured it was better to drown their sorrows than to face them head-on—cheers to that!.