JANUARY 2, 1934

Full News Archive

• Headline: Protest Against St. Lawrence Treaty. Impact: If Gwynne had succeeded in stopping the St. Lawrence Plan, we might still be using carrier pigeons for communication—just imagine the chaos at postal offices.. Fact: C.T. Gwynne probably thought he could single-handedly reshape state policies. Spoiler: he didn't..
• Headline: Clerical Workers Seek Census Jobs. Impact: The 800 clerical workers who sought jobs may have inadvertently led to the rise of the modern office coffee break—thank you, census!. Fact: Census jobs: the only jobs where counting sheep is considered excellent preparation..
• Headline: 13,423 BANKS BEGIN DEPOSIT INSURANCE; These Are 95% of Country's Unrestricted -- Only 141 Are Found Ineligible. ROOSEVELT IS GRATIFIED Thanks W.J. Cummings, Federal Corporation Head, Who Reports on New Protection.. Impact: With 95% of banks insured, people slept better, unknowingly sparking a nationwide obsession with mattress stuffing—goodbye, financial literacy!. Fact: Roosevelt was so pleased, he might have considered starting a fan club for deposit insurance. Membership perks included peace of mind!.
• Headline: LOUISVILLE TRADE GAINS.; Senator Barkley Tells Business Men NRA Aids Recovery.. Impact: Senator Barkley’s praise of the NRA may have inadvertently led to the rise of countless 'NRA Aids' t-shirts—because who doesn’t love a good merch opportunity?. Fact: Senator Barkley probably thought he was on the front lines of a recovery war. Spoiler: it was more like a recovery nap..
• Headline: $1,301,654 IS RAISED TO AID GERMAN JEWS; Rabbi Jonah B. Wise, National Head of Fund, Reports Result of 576 Community Drives.. Impact: The $1,301,654 raised for German Jews likely sparked the world's first GoFundMe campaign—because who doesn’t love crowdsourcing?. Fact: Rabbi Jonah B. Wise was probably just trying to out-fundraise his neighbor, but ended up making history instead!.
• Headline: Postmaster Dies in Fire.. Impact: The tragic death of J.M. Albers might have inspired a new line of fire-proof post offices—because nothing says safety like a government building that doesn't burn down.. Fact: Postmasters have one of the toughest jobs—where your office could literally go up in flames. Talk about a hot seat!.
• Headline: BLANSHARD TO USE SEABURY'S TACTICS; Accounts Bureau to Be Recast Along Lines Followed in Legislative Inquiry. TAMMANY TO BE TARGET Investigation of News-Stand Graft Likely to Be Taken From Levine at Once. BLANSHARD TO USE SEABURY'S TACTICS. Impact: Blanshard's use of Seabury’s tactics might have led to a reality TV show about corruption investigations—'Keeping Up with the Corrupt' anyone?. Fact: Reorganizing departments to fight graft is basically government spring cleaning—minus the fun of actually throwing things away..
• Headline: NAZI-OUSTED TEACHER GETS POST IN CHICAGO; Dr. Melchoir Palyi, Monetary Authority, to Teach at University.. Impact: Dr. Melchoir Palyi’s appointment likely set off a series of academic rivalries in Chicago that would make even the most dramatic soap opera look tame.. Fact: Being ousted by the Nazis and then teaching at a prestigious university is the ultimate plot twist of the academic world..