DECEMBER 31, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bankers Applaud Code Suspension. Impact: If bankers had been forced to pay those heavy service fees, they might have become so disgruntled that they would have started investing in the tech industry a decade earlier, possibly leading to an earlier dot-com bubble and an even earlier crash. Thanks, Johnson!. Fact: Bankers and their fees are like mosquitoes at a picnic: always there, often annoying, but somehow we just can’t get rid of them..
• Headline: Bank Assets Increase in 1933. Impact: This tiny bump in bank assets might have encouraged banks to think they were invincible, leading to the eventual creation of the 'too big to fail' doctrine. Thanks a lot for that, O'Connor!. Fact: If you ever wonder how banks make money, just remember: it’s almost as mysterious as how they keep losing it..
• Headline: RULES FOR SILVER SENT TO MINTS; Morgenthau Makes Public the Regulations for Coinage Prescribed Dec. 21. AFFIDAVITS ARE REQUIRED Miners Must Keep Complete Records and Make Monthly Reports of Operations.. Impact: These regulations might have led to an absurdly bureaucratic gold rush where miners spent more time filling out paperwork than actually mining. Who knew mining could involve so much red tape?. Fact: Affidavits in mining? Sounds like the perfect recipe for a thrilling new reality show: 'Mining for Paperwork.'.
• Headline: GERMANS ARE PIQUED BY LITVINOFF SPEECH; Chide Him for Regarding Hitler's 'Private Views' as Official Attitude.. Impact: This little spat could have created a rift that made diplomatic discussions less productive, paving the way for future misunderstandings—like the awkward family dinners that never quite go as planned.. Fact: The last time someone dismissed Hitler's views as 'private,' it didn't end well for Europe. Maybe they should have just stuck to polite small talk..
• Headline: PHILHARMONIC GIVES STUDENTS' CONCERT; Mozart Work Played by Ethel Bartlett and Rae Robertson, Pianists.. Impact: If students had been inspired enough by this concert, they might have become the next generation of musicians, leading to a world where classical music was as mainstream as pop—imagine a Mozart-inspired boy band!. Fact: Mozart was once a child prodigy. These days, kids just settle for being 'prodigies' at Fortnite..
• Headline: MONEY SUPPLY RAISED BY RESERVE NOTES; November's Total of $47,212,972 Increase Wholly Due Reserve Bank Issues.. Impact: This increase in money supply could have led to inflation, which might have caused people to literally hoard money—turning it into a bizarre version of Monopoly where no one could afford to buy Boardwalk.. Fact: Reserve notes: because what’s more fun than having money you can’t actually spend?.
• Headline: 50 FAMILIES ROUTED IN FOUR FIRES HERE; Firemen in Brooklyn and Queens Hampered as Water Freezes in Zero Cold.. Impact: This tragic event likely brought attention to fire safety regulations, which might have sparked a revolution in home safety standards—because who doesn’t love a good safety overhaul after a disaster?. Fact: In zero-degree weather, water can freeze faster than your hopes of keeping your house safe from fire. Stay warm, folks..