DECEMBER 9, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ford Exposition of Progress Opens. Impact: The Ford Exposition sparked a global obsession with cars that led to traffic jams becoming a universal language. Who knew that rubber trees would one day be more important than the trees that provided shade for those stuck in said jams?. Fact: Did you know that the first traffic jam was caused by a horse? Just imagine the horses rollin' their eyes at us now.
• Headline: December Ball Highlights Cabaret Performance. Impact: The December Ball set the precedent for extravagant charity events, inadvertently leading to the creation of reality TV shows about rich people throwing parties for causes we didn’t know existed. Fact: Fun fact: The best way to raise money for charity is to make sure your guests feel inadequate about their own lives while you sip your overpriced martini.
• Headline: Bergner's Breakthrough in London Theatre. Impact: Elizabeth Bergner’s performance created a ripple effect that led to the rise of overly dramatic acting, eventually resulting in every soap opera we now endure. Fact: Did you know that being overly dramatic can actually burn more calories than a trip to the gym? Just ask any soap star!.
• Headline: MACFARLANE'S 67 LEADS GOLF FIELD; Tuckahoe Pro Sets Pace for First Round of $10,000 Open at Coral Gables. FOUR TRAIL WITH PAR 71S Shute, Defending Champion, Ties Goodman, Runyan and Guldahl for Second.. Impact: Macfarlane's golf lead inspired a series of increasingly ridiculous golf-themed films, eventually leading to the cinematic masterpiece 'Happy Gilmore.' Thanks, Macfarlane!. Fact: Did you know that golf was originally played with a stick and a leather ball? Now we have golf clubs that cost more than a small car.
• Headline: SHOUSE SEES DANGER IN RIGID LIQUOR CODES; Hopes for Amendments, He Tells New England Society in Philadelphia.. Impact: Shouse's warnings about liquor codes led to a flurry of underground speakeasies, which, ironically, were just fancy ways to drink with friends without being judged. Cheers!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'speak easy' originated from patrons of illicit bars who would speak quietly to avoid drawing attention? Now we just shout over the music.
• Headline: Jamaica Ships Rum Here.. Impact: The shipment of rum from Jamaica kicked off a love affair with Caribbean spirits that would eventually lead to tourists dancing on tables during all-inclusive vacations. Fact: Did you know that rum was once used as a currency? So next time you’re at a bar, just think of how much money you’re wasting!.
• Headline: BLOCK OF FLATS SOLD TO INVESTOR; Five Apartment Buildings on West 135th St. Are to Be Modernized. EAST SIDE HOUSE BOUGHT Bank at Foreclosure Auction Bids In the Hotel White -- Two Dwellings Leased.. Impact: The sale of those apartment buildings initiated a never-ending cycle of gentrification, turning thriving neighborhoods into a playground for hipsters and avocado toast enthusiasts. Fact: Did you know that the average rent in New York City now costs as much as a small mortgage? Welcome to adulting!.
• Headline: NEW 'WATER' BARES SECRETS OF ATOM; Heavy Hydrogen Gives 'Mirror' to Habits of the Molecules, Professor Urey Reveals. RESEARCH FUNDS GRANTED Columbia Trustees Provide for Additional Facilities for Making Costly Liquid.. Impact: Urey's work with heavy water led to the study of atomic behavior, which, in a bizarre twist, eventually contributed to the creation of the atomic bomb. Thanks a lot, science!. Fact: Did you know that heavy water is actually just water with a little extra weight? It's like that friend who always brings snacks to the party.
• Headline: THE FLYING LINDBERGHS.. Impact: The escapades of the Lindberghs paved the way for celebrity culture, leading us to a future where following famous people on social media is considered a sport. Fact: Did you know that the first celebrity couple was probably just two cavemen who made really good fire? Talk about relationship goals!.
• Headline: WITNESSES ASSAIL FOOD AND DRUG BILL; Opponents Assert 'Dangerous Bureaucracy' Would Displace Rule by Laws. WOMEN ENDORSE MEASURE ' To Protect Consumer From Frauds' -- Conflict With NRA Denied -- Copeland in a Tilt.. Impact: The food and drug bill opposition led to a lifetime of conspiracy theories about governmental control over our diets, paving the way for organic kale chips to take over the world. Fact: Did you know that the average American eats 1,996 pounds of food in their lifetime? That’s a lot of kale chips!.