NOVEMBER 13, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Breakthrough in Thyroid Disorder Treatment. Impact: This breakthrough led to a worldwide obsession with synthetic medicine, sparking a trend where every ailment was treated with something that sounded like it belonged in a sci-fi movie. Fast forward a few decades, and now people are Googling 'synthetic cures for existential dread.'. Fact: Did you know that people once treated thyroid issues with actual animal extracts? Imagine explaining that at a dinner party: 'Oh, I just had a lovely steak and thyroid extract soup!'.
• Headline: Dorothy Phelps' Engagement Announcement. Impact: This engagement set off a chain reaction of gossip that would echo through the ages, eventually leading to reality TV shows where every relationship is scrutinized more than international treaties. Thanks, Dorothy.. Fact: Engagements used to be a big deal. Now, it's just an Instagram post away from being a 'look at me' contest..
• Headline: Roosevelt and Litvinoff Night Conference. Impact: This night parley probably led to a diplomatic awakening where world leaders realized that talking at night is just as ineffective as talking during the day. Spoiler alert: it still led to a lot of paperwork.. Fact: Parleys are basically just fancy words for 'let's sit around and pretend we’re doing something important' meetings. Good to know nothing's changed..
• Headline: WITCH DOCTORS AND TORIES.; Calling NRA Critics Names Gets Us Nowhere, It Is Held.. Impact: This headline spawned a generations-long debate on the effectiveness of name-calling in politics, leading to countless memes and hashtags. And yet, here we are—still yelling at each other.. Fact: Politics has always been a name-calling game. Who knew that centuries later, it would evolve into Twitter feuds? #WitchDoctorsVsTories..
• Headline: 130 STRIKES ENDED BY NRA IN 3 MONTHS; Whalen Report Shows 250,000, Earning $6,000,000 a Week, Put Back to Work Here. END OF 'EPIDEMIC' SEEN Economic Waste of Walkout Stressed -- Ruling Asked on Labor Minorities' Rights. 130 STRIKES ENDED BY NRA IN 3 MONTHS. Impact: The resolution of these strikes led to the creation of more labor laws, which in turn led to a bureaucratic labyrinth that workers still struggle to navigate today. Who knew that ending strikes could lead to endless paperwork?. Fact: Fun fact: Strikes have been around longer than your grandparents, and they still haven't quite figured out how to avoid them. Maybe just send everyone a pizza next time?.
• Headline: Miss Ruth Pine Wed in Jersey.. Impact: This wedding marked the beginning of 'the wedding season' phenomenon, which ultimately led to the rise of overpriced bridal shows and a multi-billion dollar industry centered around making people feel bad about not having the perfect day.. Fact: Wedding planning has evolved so much that now people hire planners for planning the wedding planner. It's like a Russian nesting doll of stress..
• Headline: Article 5 -- No Title. Impact: The presentation of this monument began a tradition of commemorating every possible event in history, leading to an overwhelming number of statues dedicated to people no one remembers. Thanks, Alabama!. Fact: Monuments are basically the original 'like' button for significant events, just with a lot more stone and a lot less social media..
• Headline: Assassin Kills 1, Hurts 4 at Rally in Spain, But Bullets Miss Son of Primo de Rivera. Impact: This assassination attempt sent shockwaves through Spain, ultimately leading to political unrest and a whole lot of paranoid leaders, proving once again that bullets have a unique way of shaping history—especially when they miss their intended targets.. Fact: Assassination attempts have been a staple of political life since forever. Maybe if they just stuck to polite debates, history would be a lot less bloody..
• Headline: SOVIET DENIES STORY OF SHOOTING PLANES; Japanese Minimize Rumor, but Stress News of Aid for Russian Aviation.. Impact: This denial set the stage for the Cold War's love-hate relationship with propaganda, leading to a never-ending game of 'who can deny what better' that continues to this day. Spoiler: no one ever wins.. Fact: Propaganda is just politics' way of saying, 'Trust me, bro.' And we all know how that turns out..
• Headline: ELLSWORTH TO SAIL FOR ANTARCTIC DEC.1; Ship Will Reach Base From New Zealand Within Month -- To Carry 18 Months' Food.. Impact: This expedition not only added to the list of people who have willingly gone to the extremes for science but also inadvertently inspired reality TV shows where contestants try to survive with less food but more drama.. Fact: Sailing to Antarctica is like camping, but with way more frostbite and way less Wi-Fi. Good luck finding a signal out there!.