NOVEMBER 10, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Insull Case Dropped Amid Controversy. Impact: The dropping of the case against Insull may have inadvertently led to a series of questionable extraditions, setting the stage for future international law debates that would leave legal scholars scratching their heads for decades. All thanks to one guy's burglary charge!. Fact: Did you know that in legal circles, the phrase 'not a blow at Greece' is commonly followed by 'but who asked?'.
• Headline: DRIVE ON AUSTRIAN NAZIS.; Government Replies to Terrorism By Putting Many in Camp.. Impact: By putting many Austrian Nazis in camps, the government might have inadvertently inspired future governments to think that internment was a good idea—because clearly, history repeats itself, and we still haven't figured out how to learn from it.. Fact: Did you know that putting people in camps generally doesn't lead to peaceful resolutions? Shockingly enough, no one seems to have learned that yet..
• Headline: Foreign Envoys Refuse To Interfere at Havana. Impact: The refusal of foreign envoys to interfere in Havana might have set a precedent for future diplomatic standoffs, where everyone just pretends to care while sipping cocktails in their embassies. Who needs effective diplomacy when you have a good mojito?. Fact: Did you know that 'refusing to interfere' is diplomatic code for 'let's just not get involved in this mess'?.
• Headline: Greenwich Chest Drive Opens.. Impact: The Greenwich Chest Drive could have inspired other towns to start their own fundraising drives, leading to an explosion of community chests across the country, all vying for the title of 'Most Generous Town'. Spoiler: everyone just wanted the free cookies.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of fundraising, the term 'chest drive' has absolutely nothing to do with anatomy? Disappointing, I know..
• Headline: Russia Sends Vigorous Warning to Japan Against Repetition of Border Air Flight. Impact: Russia's warning to Japan about air flights over the Amur River might have made future nations think twice about their airspace policies. Instead of peace, it just led to more 'no-fly zones' and a lot of confused pilot training manuals.. Fact: Did you know that flying over someone else's territory is basically the international equivalent of walking into a stranger's backyard and claiming it's your own?.
• Headline: DOCK RACKET DENIED BY 4 UNION MEMBERS; Longshoremen Are Released on Bail -- Head of Stevedore Con- cern Alleges Coercion.. Impact: The denial of the dock racket by union members could have inadvertently set the stage for future labor disputes, leading to a decades-long saga of 'he said, she said', which has become a staple of labor relations, much to everyone's dismay.. Fact: Did you know that in labor disputes, the phrase 'not guilty' is often followed by an awkward silence and a lot of paperwork?.
• Headline: MARCH FLEES TO FRANCE.; Spanish Tobacco Man Arrives in Marseilles With Prison Guard.. Impact: March's escape to France with a prison guard could have ignited a whole genre of cinematic heist films, where the protagonists are actually just really bad at planning their getaways and constantly need a guard to bail them out.. Fact: Did you know that 'escaping to France' is basically the international symbol for 'I need a vacation, preferably in the sun, away from my problems'?.