OCTOBER 1, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Strike Disrupts Ford Plant Deliveries. Impact: This strike caused a ripple effect that led to the invention of automated car delivery drones in 2045. Who knew a bunch of drivers refusing to work would kick off a drone revolution?. Fact: Did you know that if car delivery drones had existed in 1933, they probably would have delivered cars to the wrong addresses—just like your average pizza delivery?.
• Headline: Farm Administration Challenges Retail Price Fixing. Impact: This demand led to a nationwide coffee shortage decades later, as farmers focused on price-fixing rather than crop quality. Who needs good coffee anyway?. Fact: Fun fact: Price-fixing in agriculture is almost as popular as fixing your hair for a Zoom call—everyone does it, but no one admits to it..
• Headline: LEGION ASSEMBLES IN NEW PATRIOTISM; Bonus Men Now in a Minority, Chicago Convention Bids to 'Resell Itself' to America. DISABLED ARE PUT FIRST Veterans Stand By Roosevelt, but Assail Gen. Hines and Self-Seeking Legislators. LEGION ASSEMBLES IN NEW PATRIOTISM. Impact: The missteps of the American Legion at this convention led to a chain of events where veterans started their own reality show, 'Who Wants to Be a Veteran Advocate?'—it was canceled after one season.. Fact: Did you know that reselling patriotism is actually just a euphemism for 'let's put a flag on everything and call it a day'?.
• Headline: QUITS AS PLAYLAND HEAD.; Darling to Be Succeeded as Park Director by H.F. O'Malley.. Impact: This leadership change at Playland led to the introduction of the first-ever roller coaster designed for extreme emotional experiences, which ironically scared away the children.. Fact: H.F. O'Malley may have been a park director, but he still managed to lose more children than a game of hide and seek played by a flock of pigeons..
• Headline: MUSCLE SHOALS HEAD ASSAILS PATRONAGE; It Menaces Public Operation of Utilities, Morgan Says in Speech at Chicago.. Impact: Morgan's speech sparked a movement that eventually led to the establishment of public utilities being run by cats, because who wouldn’t trust a cat with your electricity?. Fact: Did you know that public ownership of utilities is like a family dinner—everyone argues about it, but nobody really knows how to fix it?.
• Headline: DOLLAR IRREGULAR IN FOREIGN EXCHANGE; Gains Slightly Against Franc in Market Here -- Moves Lower in London.. Impact: The dollar's fluctuations caused a worldwide currency frenzy that ended with everyone investing in Monopoly money—because it was just easier.. Fact: Did you know that the dollar's irregularities in 1933 were a lot like your uncle at Thanksgiving—sometimes strong, sometimes weak, and always a little confusing?.
• Headline: BARBUSSE ASSAILS ARMS FOR DEFENSE; Writer Holds a Preparedness Theory Paves Way for Crime 'Under Various Guises.' HAILED BY PEACE GROUP 3,000 Hear Report on World Congress -- Election Dispute Almost Disrupts Meeting.. Impact: Barbusse's remarks ignited a global pacifist movement that eventually led to the creation of the 'World Peace Bingo,' where participants strategized for peace by... playing bingo.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more confusing than the arms debate is figuring out how to play bingo in three different languages?.
• Headline: BOND SAFETY PLAN UP TO PRESIDENT; American Holders of Foreign Dollar Issues Await Protective Action. CENTRAL BODY IS URGED Huge Task Likely to Devolve Either on Corporation or One Private Group.. Impact: The bond safety measures introduced here led to the creation of the first financial superhero, 'The Fiscal Avenger,' who fought against bad investments with his trusty spreadsheet.. Fact: Did you know that bondholders are like your relatives who always want to borrow money—there’s a lot of waiting and very little action?.
• Headline: SEAMEN'S UNION ACTS TO STOP 'CRIMPING'; Holds So-called Shipping Agents Prey on Those Seeking Work -- Two Test Cases Pending.. Impact: This action against crimping led to the establishment of the 'International Seamen's Protection Agency,' which later became a reality show about sailors finding love on the high seas—because why not?. Fact: Did you know that crimping in shipping is not a trendy new hairstyle but rather a way to exploit desperate sailors? Who knew the shipping industry had such a dark side?.