SEPTEMBER 28, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Milwaukee Riot Against Anti-Nazi Demonstrators. Impact: The riot inspired a new branch of protest choreography, where demonstrators would practice synchronized dance moves before clashing with police. This led to the evolution of flash mobs, which ultimately resulted in the viral sensation of 'dance battles' on social media.. Fact: Interestingly, this riot fueled the theory that if everyone just danced their feelings out, we could solve all social issues. Imagine a world where political debates turned into dance-offs!.
• Headline: Czechoslovak Delegate Critiques League's Structure. Impact: This criticism set off a chain reaction leading to the formation of a secret society of diplomats who met in basements to discuss how to avoid being compared to an army. They ended up creating the world's most elaborate game of charades instead.. Fact: Spoiler alert: the only army they managed to defeat was the boredom of political meetings..
• Headline: INDUSTRIAL UNIONS URGED UPON LABOR; Q'Connell and Frey, Backing Johnson View, Declare for 'Vertical' Organization. SHIFT FROM CRAFT BODIES Policy Put Up to Metal Trades -- Building Croup Report Also Calls for 30-Hour Week.. Impact: This shift caused a ripple effect leading to the invention of the 4-day work week for hipsters. They’ve been working hard to make sure everyone knows they work less but are 'just as productive.'. Fact: Fun fact: the 30-hour week is still a dream for many, as workers continue to chase the elusive idea of work-life balance. Good luck with that!.
• Headline: SOVIET INVESTMENT PUT AT HUGE TOTAL; Capital Expenditure for the Last Ten Years Reaches 86,500,000,000 Rubles. OUTLAY WORKS HARDSHIPS High Cost of Short-Term Financing and Necessity of Exporting Needed Commodities Figure.. Impact: The staggering investment led to a nationwide obsession with creating the next big thing. This eventually birthed the Soviet version of 'Shark Tank,' where they pitched ideas like 'farming potatoes in space.'. Fact: Fun fact: The Soviet economy became so complex that they turned budgeting into a competitive sport. Spoiler: everyone lost..
• Headline: HOLLAND PRESSES REFUGEE QUESTION; Seeks to Have Seven Neighbors of Germany Ask League to Take Up Problem.. Impact: This diplomatic effort spurred a long-lasting belief that if everyone just asked nicely, all problems would disappear. An approach which, spoiler alert, still hasn't worked.. Fact: The Dutch have been negotiating with their neighbors since forever, leading to the creation of the international trade of 'friendly neighbor cookies' as a peace offering..
• Headline: FRISCO BARS NAZI FLAG.; German Day Celebration Plans Collapse as a Result.. Impact: The ban on the Nazi flag led to a surge in creative flag-making, with citizens crafting increasingly ridiculous flags for their German Day celebrations. This ultimately paved the way for the modern trend of quirky holiday décor.. Fact: Who knew that a ban could lead to a thousand Pinterest boards? Meanwhile, the local Nazi sympathizers were left to wave their hands in despair..
• Headline: SWEDEN DENOUNCES TRUCE ON TARIFFS; Stockholm Understands Withdrawal Is Solely to Gain a Free Hand.. Impact: This denunciation sparked a wave of tariff negotiations that eventually led to the creation of international trade agreements, and in the long run, a lot of confused economists trying to figure out why they can't just agree on a pizza topping.. Fact: Sweden’s knack for negotiation is so profound that they even convinced IKEA to offer free assembly instructions—just to keep the peace..
• Headline: FATE OF CITY'S NRA DETERMINED TODAY; Whalen Leading Delegation to Capital to Ask That Set-Up Be Continued. MEDIATION BOARD TO STAY Local Machinery Expected to Go On Even if Washington Directs Work Here.. Impact: This meeting inadvertently led to the proliferation of 'bureaucratic speak' across the country. Now, even your friendly neighborhood coffee shop has a 'mediating board' to discuss latte art.. Fact: It's estimated that for every bureaucrat, there exists a corresponding coffee cup filled with regrets over paperwork..
• Headline: ARMS TALK DELAY FOUGHT AT GENEVA; Davis and Simon Oppose Step to Transfer the Conference to Rome. MOVE IS LAID TO GERMANY Japanese Against Supervision Plan and Degree of Disarmament Now Proposed.. Impact: The delays in arms talks led to the invention of the phrase 'let's table this for now,' which has since become a staple in corporate meetings, more effective than any arms treaty.. Fact: The Geneva conference actually inspired a whole genre of comedy about 'serious talks' that end up being anything but! Who knew diplomacy could be so entertaining?.