AUGUST 27, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rail-Holding Unit Dividend Decision Looms. Impact: The decision to release funds from the C&O and Alleghany Corporation led to a chain reaction of corporate greed that somehow resulted in the invention of the fidget spinner. You're welcome, society.. Fact: Did you know that if companies treated their dividends like your grandma treats her bingo winnings, the economy might actually be a lot more fun?.
• Headline: NRA's Food Service Controversy. Impact: The NRA's decision to forbid a free-meal ban inadvertently encouraged the rise of food trucks, which fueled a national obsession with overpriced gourmet tacos. Thanks, NRA!. Fact: Fun fact: The most common food truck item is 'Regret,' usually served late at night..
• Headline: OUTBREAK IN ST. PIERRE.; Crowd Protesting Tax Rise In French Colony Frees 4 From Jail.. Impact: The crowd's successful protest in St. Pierre inspired future generations to believe that yelling at the government could actually lead to change. Spoiler alert: It usually doesn't.. Fact: Fun fact: Protesting is the only job where you can call in sick and still get paid in social media likes..
• Headline: NEW PARIS COATS USE HIDDEN SNAPS; Bruyere Eliminates Buttons and Fits Models Smoothly Around the Hips. DROP SHOULDER FEATURED Contracts With Accented Effects Seen Elsewhere -- Collars Are Furred on Under Side.. Impact: The introduction of hidden snaps in coats paved the way for a future where people would forget how to use buttons altogether, leading to a global crisis in button-making industries. Oops.. Fact: Did you know that fashion is basically just a series of bad decisions repeated every few decades?.
• Headline: CUBA PAYING WAY OF 42 EXILES HOME; Youths Who Took Refuge Here From the Old Regime Sail for Native Land. OTHERS ARE REPATRIATED Woman Planter, 72, on Visit Here, Hails New President -- Mesa, Aide of Machado, Arrives.. Impact: The repatriation of exiles from Cuba set a precedent for future governments to just throw money at problems instead of actually solving them. A true masterclass in dodging accountability!. Fact: Did you know that exile is just a fancy word for 'you weren't invited to the party'?.
• Headline: COLLEGE GIRLS HELD UNFITTED FOR JOBS; Esther E. Brooke Says in Article Placement Bureaus Are Futile Compromises. FINDS CULTURE UNWANTED Barnard Alumnae Head Takes Issue on Criticism, Pointing to Statistics on Employment.. Impact: Esther E. Brooke's critique of college girls' preparedness for jobs inspired a wave of 'job readiness' programs, eventually leading to a massive industry of overpriced workshops that promise to prepare you for the real world. Good luck with that!. Fact: Did you know that most college degrees come with a complimentary dose of existential dread?.
• Headline: " The Single Glow" and Other New Books of Poetry; THE SINGLE GLOW. By Axton Clark. 133 pp. Santa Fe: The Villagra Press: $1.. Impact: The publication of 'The Single Glow' and other poetry is what led to the rise of pretentious coffee shop poetry slams, where people read verses no one understands while sipping overpriced lattes. Ah, progress!. Fact: Did you know that poetry is just a way for people to sound deep while actually saying nothing? Bravo!.