JUNE 29, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Insights on Economic Depreciation. Impact: Ed's lessons in depreciation led to the creation of the first-ever 'How to Lose Money in Style' seminar, which ironically became a bestseller in self-help circles, causing countless aspiring entrepreneurs to follow in his financially disastrous footsteps.. Fact: Depreciation is just a fancy way of saying, 'Your assets are losing value faster than your will to live.'.
• Headline: Historic Federal Court Trial Nears Conclusion. Impact: The longest criminal case set a precedent for future legal dramas, inspiring countless television shows that have made us question whether justice is actually served—while secretly rooting for the bad guys.. Fact: The longest criminal case in history was so drawn out that even the judges started binge-watching shows to pass the time..
• Headline: F.V.LINDLEYWEDS MISS GRACE COOK; Bride a Great-Granddaughter of John Bigelow, Envoy to France for Lincoln. DR. PEABODY OFFICIATES Four- Attendants fop the Brideu Bridegroom Is a Grandson of Late Gen. Francis V. Greene.. Impact: The marriage of F.V. Lindley and Grace Cook resulted in a family tree so convoluted that it became the subject of a reality show, 'Keeping Up with the Lindleys,' which was canceled after one season due to viewer confusion.. Fact: Being a great-granddaughter of a historical figure automatically grants you a higher social standing, even if your biggest achievement is finishing a Netflix series..
• Headline: Society Issues Seventh Medal.. Impact: The issuance of the seventh medal led to an explosion of competitive medal design, culminating in a future where even participation trophies are made by world-renowned artists.. Fact: Medals are just shiny reminders of all the things you didn't do to earn them..
• Headline: MRS. WILLEBRANDT STAYS.; Important Legal Case Forces Her to Cancel Russian Trip.. Impact: Mrs. Willebrandt missing her Russian cruise led to a chain reaction where society realized that vacations are often more about avoiding responsibilities than actual relaxation, thus initiating a wave of 'staycations' that still haunt us to this day.. Fact: Canceling a cruise can lead to more drama than the actual vacation itself—just ask any family planning a trip together..
• Headline: EUROPEAN WINE ARRIVES.; First Shipment of 3.2 Product Comes From Luxemburg.. Impact: The arrival of European wine in America opened the floodgates for wine snobs, ultimately leading to the invention of the term 'vintage' being used to describe everything from fine wine to the latest overpriced sneakers.. Fact: 3.2% wine is basically what you get when your wine is trying to be beer but just can't commit..
• Headline: POLITICS IGNORED ON CHILEAN ISSUE; Buttenwieser Tells Senators Investigation Was Confined to Trade Facts. PRICE 'PEGGING' DENIED Witness and Kahn Assert That Was Not the Word for Effort to Keep Market Standard.. Impact: Ignoring politics on the Chilean issue led to a collective shrug from politicians everywhere, inadvertently giving rise to a new political party that ran on a platform of 'Let’s Just Not Talk About It.'. Fact: Politics is just like a game of chess—everyone pretends to care, but most are just waiting for checkmate..
• Headline: Bloc Appeals to Bank of England.