JUNE 22, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Developing the Virgin Islands as a Resort. Impact: This experiment sparked a wave of 'island paradise' tourism that eventually led to Instagram influencers flocking to the Virgin Islands, forever changing the landscape of vacation photos—goodbye, picturesque sunsets; hello, avocado toast.. Fact: If only they had known that trying to develop a resort would lead to endless selfies and overpriced cocktails. Cheers to progress!.
• Headline: UTILITY PLANT VALUE UP 5-FOLD IN 5 YEARS; Long Island Company Bought It for $65,000, Later Appraising It for $350,655.. Impact: This transaction set off a chain reaction in the utility industry, making everyone wonder if they should start appraising their toaster ovens. Spoiler alert: they're not worth much.. Fact: Utility plants are the modern-day treasure chests—who knew investing in electricity could be more lucrative than playing the stock market?.
• Headline: Italian Planes Again Delayed.. Impact: This delay led to a nationwide shortage of patience, resulting in the invention of the fidget spinner. Thanks, Italian planes, for inadvertently kicking off a trend that would dominate playgrounds everywhere.. Fact: You can always count on airline schedules to be less reliable than your friend's plans for the weekend. At least the planes are consistent!.
• Headline: POLITICS BARRED ON SMITH'S VISIT; Sir Ronald Lindsay and Gov. Cross Also Will Receive Harvard Degrees. UNDERGRADUATE HONORS Large Proportion of Those Taking Primary Degrees Have Won Special Rank.. Impact: This headline led to a historic increase in the number of people who thought a Harvard degree was a surefire way to success—spoiler: it’s still just a fancy piece of paper.. Fact: Harvard graduates have a secret handshake that supposedly grants them access to the real world—but it usually just gets them a coffee order wrong..
• Headline: WOMAN IS CLEARED IN PATTERSON CASE; Court Directs Acquittal in $588,000 Fraud Trial -- 4 Others Begin Their Defense.. Impact: The acquittal not only cleared her name but also sparked a nationwide trend of 'how to get away with fraud' seminars—because who wouldn't want to learn from a courtroom drama?. Fact: Courtroom dramas have higher ratings than most reality shows, proving that nothing captures our attention quite like the chaos of legal battles..
• Headline: SEEKS 2-HOUR MARK FLYING UPSIDE DOWN; Falcom, Italian Pilot, Hopes Doable Own Record at Races in Los Angeles.. Impact: This ambitious flight plan inspired a new generation of pilots to try increasingly ridiculous stunts, leading to the invention of the 'upside-down selfie'—a trend that never quite took off (pun intended).. Fact: If flying upside down ever becomes an Olympic sport, just know that Falcom will be the one to blame for all the dizzy athletes..
• Headline: P.C. Nash Heads Toledo University. Impact: Nash's appointment led to a series of administrative changes that forever altered the course of higher education, making it a hotbed for questionable sandwich choices in the cafeteria.. Fact: Every time a new university president is appointed, an angel gets its wings—right before they are buried under a mountain of paperwork..