JUNE 12, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Civil War Tensions Rise in Canton. Impact: This Canton parley set off a chain of events that led to several leaders arguing over who could yell the loudest. Spoiler alert: it was not the people who were actually affected by the war.. Fact: Despite being a civil war, Chinese citizens were more confused than divided. Most just wanted a good cup of tea..
• Headline: Exploring the Oxford Movement's Impact. Impact: The Oxford Movement may have inadvertently saved countless dinner parties from awkward silences. People were too busy discussing theology to notice their food was getting cold.. Fact: F.J. Adams was not related to the U.S. Presidents, but he definitely made a name for himself in the world of 'a lot of talking about not much.'.
• Headline: Hotchner Becomes Taxi Industry Leader. Impact: Hotchner's rise to 'Taxi Czar' led to an unprecedented shortage of yellow paint, as every cab company scrambled to rebrand and compete for the title of 'Most Overhyped Taxi Service.'. Fact: Fun fact: 'Taxi Czar' is actually just a fancy way of saying 'guy who gets yelled at by angry passengers.'.
• Headline: Children's Day Playlet Given.. Impact: This Children's Day playlet sparked a wave of aspiring child actors, many of whom would go on to question their life choices while flipping burgers years later.. Fact: The Bible School's kids probably thought they were auditioning for the next big Broadway show. Spoiler alert: they weren't..
• Headline: BRIDGE TOLLS SEEN AS BLOW TO REALTY; Rentals of 15 Modern Houses on 57th St. Are Endangered by Plan, Says Hackett. HAVE $11,000,000 VALUE Owners Would Seek Assessment Cuts Because of Congestion on Plazas, 1st Av. Leader Avers.. Impact: The bridge tolls initiated a chain reaction of property value drops, leading to landlords desperately trying to figure out how to charge more for less. Bravo, capitalism!. Fact: People often say that nothing is certain except death and taxes. Apparently, they forgot about bridge tolls being the third certainty..
• Headline: Celebrates His First High Mass.. Impact: The celebration of a first high mass meant that the community was one step closer to having a fully-fledged 'Mass Movement,' which sounds like a bad reality show.. Fact: It's always a big deal when someone celebrates their first high mass. It's like a graduation, but with more incense and less cap and gown..
• Headline: Body Found Hanging on Palisades.. Impact: The discovery of the hanging body led to a sudden spike in true crime podcast listens decades later, proving that people have always been morbidly curious.. Fact: While we may never know the identity of the unfortunate soul, we can be sure that their story is now part of a thousand ghost stories told around campfires..
• Headline: KOENIG FOES OPEN SIX MORE OFFICES; Set Up New Headquarters Today and Say They Will Be in Every District in 3 Weeks. LA GUARDIA CLUB AIDS Backers of Movement May Try to Elect New Leaders if They Win Committee Control.. Impact: The opening of six new offices for Koenig's foes likely resulted in a lot of confused constituents who just wanted the local coffee shop to stay open longer.. Fact: Opening six offices sounds impressive until you realize that most were just glorified meeting rooms with sad potted plants..
• Headline: Bear Mountain Pool.. Impact: The Bear Mountain Pool incident started an underground movement of people who believed that swimming pools should be mandatory in all parks, because why not?. Fact: Bear Mountain Pool is not actually home to any bears, despite what the name suggests. Just a bunch of confused swimmers wondering why they weren't warned..